What's Been Goin' On?

So, I know I haven't posted in a while....and I have heard from folks that y'all have been wondering where I have been. I sort of fell off the planet a bit....you're right.

I am going to get pictures up soon. I have so many to post. You will probably feel a bit overwhelmed when I do finally get them on here. Many months worth are waiting to be added!

And, too, I want you to know that I have started no less than approximately 3 new posts....but I either decided the posts weren't good enough or that they just sounded a bit blabby....no real content, just a bunch of blabbering. Who really wants to read that, huh?! Well, even if you did, I decided you wouldn't.

Today is sort of emotional for me. And this isn't the first day I have had like this lately.

I'm one day away from possibly knowing what the cause for Griff's learning issues are and I am feeling all kinds of things.
Anxious
Sad
Happy
Worried (though I am trying really hard to live in the moment....baby steps)
Thankful
Frustrated
Insecure
Restless

Just so many things. I want my child to have things as easy as is possible. Don't all parents wish for that? I want things for him to be without frustration. For him to love learning, not want to run away from it. His life as a student will be such a drudgery if day in and day out he leaves for school thinking, "This place is no fun. They suck the self esteem from me. They make me feel like I am dumb."

What a crappy way to feel.

Dan and I were discussing this last night and I was saying, "I read that thing from the teacher. It said that the average student has to see and read a word 40 times before it is committed to long term memory." He said, "Yeah, I read that too." I said, "It wasn't like that for me, Dan. I read a word once, and I knew it. I never had to have help with homework. I did not have to be 'worked' with. The teacher taught something to us. I got it. I thought learning was simple, I thought it was so easy to go to school......No wonder I loved school....it gave me so much self-esteem!"

Then it hit me......Griffin's struggle is finally giving me a look into what the other kids in my class, the ones who didn't like school, were going through. It makes me feel horrible. I now remember howI was not the nicest to those kids. I wasn't as accepting as I should have been because they were the kids who made the teacher frustrated. Who had to be taught something over and over and made some of the lessons not so much fun....Why can't they just get it?!

I'm finally seeing things from that side and it makes me feel horrible. I probably hurt the feelings of other kids, over and over while I was growing up. All because I did not understand that learning, the ability to learn "normally" and quickly, is not normal....that was a gift. And my being less than accepting of my classmates, now makes me feel horrible. I look into the eyes of my son and I think, "Who could be mean to you? You are so precious!" And now, in examining my past, I see my reflection in his eyes and it hurts. I was one of those kids. I was not a bully by any means. But unaccepting, definitely. Dismissive of those who had a harder time learning, absolutely. Gossipy about how "stupid" so and so was, yes.
Oh, I hate knowing now how much that potentially hurt my classmates.

This issue we have been struggling with, it has really pointed out my short-comings and my past hurts.....and I am greatly sorry.

I honestly did not think that I could have ever been remembered by anyone as being a mean kid. I wasn't cruel......but I was. I wasn't snobby........but I was.

Griffin is a beautiful child inside and out. He is perfect just the way God made him, and I know that. But, kids, kids don't know that. Kids only know he takes longer to "get" things than the rest of the class. And, that he's always talking, that's why he doesn't finish his work.
Don't get me wrong, according to his teacher, he is well accepted among his peers. But, we are in only the first part of his schooling. If he continues to drag the class down, he wil not be as well accepted. Kids will definitely start to notice that he is "different" and shy away from socializing with him.

That is how kids are, and I want to shelter my son from as much of that as I can.

So, now I am thinking about the future, even though I try to stop from thinking ahead. Not thinking of what's to come just seems impossible. I need to start preparing myself for what we might have to go through. I don't want to be blindsided. Having an action plan will make things easier, right?!
Yeah, well, that is when the worry begins. When you start thinking of the things that might need to happen, you start to realize they cost, and they take up a lot of time, and you think, "How will we be able to make these things happen and still keep everyone in the family united?"
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress.
Now add your own hurt because you weren't the most accepting kid, so you feel the need to REALLY plan and do whatever you possibly can to make your child as inconspicuous as possible.
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress. Cry. Worry. Stress. Cry. Cry. Cry.

I know that there are far bigger challenges out there others are facing. That does give me perspective. Yet, my emotions are still running amok. I'm a mother....I want to protect!
Which explains why I have sort of withdrawn a bit from the outside world, at least I think it does. I'm in preservation mode. I just want to preserve my family's "normalcy" for as long as I can. I know things are about to get even more chaotic, and I'm clinging to our final days.

Pray for us, y'all. Pray for me....I'm the one with the issues!! ha ha! But, tomorrow will be good. We need an answer. I hope Saturday will bring it. I pray they will give me a starting point.....we need one. And Griffin, he needs to feel like he IS smart...that learning CAN be fun....that reading on his own ISN'T impossible..... and, mostly, that his esteem CAN grow from school, not just sucked away when he enters the doors. Lots of prayer needed folks. Keep us on your list!

Love y'all!

Family

I just don't know how to say it any better than this......I am one BLESSED chick!

A few weeks ago, I became overcome by sadness. I was missing my family! This past weekend, I got to see a good number of them, and I am back to HAPPY!

Being around my family rejuvenates me. It does. It feeds my esteem, and makes my life seem to make sense..... I make sense, you know?!?

These are the people whose influence made me want to be a mom.....who have cared for me unconditionally, and who keep me believing in myself. Even when I am not sitting in the "fan" box of my own life, they are in the stands cheering me on "You can do it!", "You're the greatest!", "We love you so much!"

Ahhhh, a cheering section! That's what I was missing!

Wouldn't it be great if every day as you walked around and made decisions, you had a group of loyal fans who walked along with you saying stuff like, "That's right, you did it! You made the coffee!" Creepy maybe, but hey, your fans love you! They think you are fantastic just the way you are.

That's what I was needing. That's why I went home.

If I could give every person one thing it wouldn't be money or a job or a better job it would be a supportive, loving, and hard-working family.

Where family isn't always people, it's also a place. A place where envy wishes it could come in, but where only acceptance and pride reside. Family is built on generosity and laughter fills its walls. Humility pours from the faucets, and patience illuminates its windows.

I grew up in this place.....this place called family. And everyday I try to recreate it here in my own neck of the woods. But, sometimes, the only way to really make sure you're building the same kind of dwelling in your own life, is to go back.

I love you family. Each and every single one of you. Thank you for renewing me. I am one BLESSED chick!!

Working Towards "It"........the "it" remains undetermined, HELP!

It was the start of a new book in my Mother's Group at church. This book is a 13 week study, but really only has 11 weeks of material. The first week is supposed to be a week of "Getting to Know One Another." Most of us ladies are well acquainted, but ice-breakers can be fun! I went out on the web and found some pretty good questions.

One question was What one store is most represented in your wardrobe....ha ha most of us said Walmart! Then there was, What song best represents the '80's to you? Amy, who had this question said Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. they just a wanna, they just a wanna...Ah yes! Some of the rest of the class said, Pour Some Sugar On Me, and Like A Virgin. I personally thought Peter Gabriel's In Your Eye's (from the movie Say Anything) was the song that best defined the '80's for me. 'Course, that's probably because I was at that pubescent and romantic stage in life where the movie just seemed so dreamy! Someone who loves you and sees so much in your eyes! WOW! Oh, to be a tween-ager again.....please, oh please, I was kidding! I would never want to go back to that stage in life again.....yuck! Nauseated just thinking about it!

Okay, so the question I had, was the one question I wrote down thinking, "I hope I don't get this one." The question was, "What is your life long dream?" I opened this up and anxiety immediately set in! I don't have a lifelong dream! I knew I should have chosen that question about what kinds of things scream "nerd" to you? Sheeesh, does anyone really have a dream from the time they were a child til now? I guess probably Tiger Woods and other people of that sort whose gifts are shown to them at such an early age, but, seriously, does everyone but me have a lifelong dream? Tell me I'm not the only one!!

I was sitting there, and eventually all the questions had been read except mine. I had to read my question to the group and then come up with an answer.
I decided maybe I should say what my dreams are now.... Oh wait, do I have any dreams? Ummmm, No. Okay that idea is shot.
Did I used to have any dreams? Yes.
Do I think I would still like to actualize those? Ummm, no, not really. I mean Solid Gold went off the air years ago, so I doubt they are still looking for dancers :(

Okay, I was batting a thousand here. The only thing I could think of that was a dream, was to be a Mom. I kind of felt like that was a lame answer though, since I was meeting with a group of mothers and that's the one thing we all were! Doesn't sound too "dreamy" among that crowd.

I ended up saying, "Well, I always wanted to be a Mom. And now, here I sit, Mom to three. So, I did that. But, ummm, yeah, really, I cannot think of any life long dream I ever had for myself."

That just sounds pathetic, huh?!? Yeah, so, right now I want you to do something for me, make an L with your right hand, press it to your forehead, and in your best Ace Ventura voice, say, "Loooooo-Seeeerrrrr!" That is how I felt answering that question. I'm a tiny green pea in a world of enormous orange pumpkins....very insignificant, out of place, and odd, I felt.

It's not like I don't have goals. My goals just seem to be more on the short term and not on the large scale anymore. I rarely ever dream, and I never day-dream, or catch myself fantasizing about things not at all the same girl I was back when I was all goo-goo eyed over John Cusack in Say Anything when he stood in front of Ione Skye's window with the boom box lifted in the air, and Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes blasting out...maybe I could learn something from my tween-age years, after all. Maybe pick up a lost trait and bring it back to 30'something with me....hmmmmm, where do you find a time machine these days.....

I guess since growing up, I've become much more literal. What's realistic? What's tangible? Focus on the now, etc, etc. But I think I'd like to try being a little less here and now, and a little more when....

So, I'm on a mission: actualize a dream. Figure out what my lifelong, or maybe just from this point on, dream is and see myself realizing it.
I think I'll start with setting a goal. An attainable goal. Something that will get my feet wet. Been a long time since I set one of those.

Who wants to join me? Set a goal. Figure out what you want and aim for it. Just because I got the college degree, I got the man, I got the kids, I got the house, and I got the friends doesn't mean I should stop achieving, does it?!

Please leave me comments on this topic. Maybe they're your goals, or how you actualized your lifelong dream, or what you feel inspired to now strive for, etc.
I need support on this. I'm too good at adding myself in at the bottom of the list. I have to start figuring out how I can move up a notch or two and still maintain my other achievements. Your input would be lovely.
Here's to climbing :)

Not Lazy....Efficient!

My friends, of more than two kids, and I like to say that we are "laid-back" parents. We joke about how one of our kids can fall off a two foot drop and as long as there was grass where they fell or something semi-soft, we'll just yell from where we stand, "You okay Buddy?"

There's no stop what you are doing to run out and see if they are okay. Nope, just a, "Brush it off. You're okay. That was a bad one, huh? Well, go get me a band-aid....and try not to bleed on the living room carpet."
Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration.....we no longer have carpet in our living room.

But, anyway, my point is this, once you have more kids than equals you plus your husband....or husband plus wife, which for most of us is two, unless you are one of those Pluralists, then, well, who knows, you might have to have 6 kids in order to gain more kids than you have wives, so if you are a Pluralist and you are reading this, I hope you're grateful that I included you in my equation. Back to the subject...once you have more kids than you are in sum total, in our case 2, then things that used to send you into a tizzy start to become less and less important, and sanity, enjoying the moment no matter how crazy and chaotic the environment is around you, start to win out.

I think before I had three kids I used to call this lazy. Yep, you heard it. Before I had three kids, if you were the type of parents who were like, "Hey, you, kid I can't remember the name of, get in here and eat your dinner." I would probably have thought, You know, they should really have approached the child. Putting yourself in their immediate space gets the child to do what is being asked, not yelling from another room. Gah! The audacity! Don't they watch SuperNanny? Get down to their level! That's what SuperNanny says!

Oh, I was a much better Mom before I had children, wasn't I?!

Now, you will find me on any given day yelling from the kitchen into the living room, "Hey, go get your shoes on like I asked you to 5 minutes ago, or I am going to hot glue them to your feet so you can't ever take them off!"
"What? You can't find them? Even more reason for the hot glue gun. Do you really need me to go down that road with you, son? Really, really? How 'bout getting off the couch and actually looking! Only then, will I maybe start helping you.....Can't find 'em? Well, when you don't actually lift yourself off of the couch how could you? Get up and look!" And, might I mention this is all done while not even actually seeing my son! I just KNOW what he is or isn't up to....mother's intuition, priceless!

Yelling through walls, this is how we of out-numbered status get things done. I cannot go with my son, holding his hand and stroking his ego so as not to stunt him emotionally, every time he needs to find his shoes. Can't do it. Not enough time in the day. Not enough of ME to go around. Sorry son, consider this an early lesson in independence.

But, as I have come to realize, this method for parenting is actually the better parenting method. Okay so I'm biased because it's how I roll, and if you disagree, well, start writing your own blog and maybe I will be a changed woman, maybe, probably not, but maybe.... The reason I say that my method is the better method of parenting is because it teaches children to self soothe. It teaches them to say to themselves, "Is this something I really should sit here and cry over or would that just be wasting my precious play time?" and "Mom doesn't drive herself batty trying to meet all my demands. She is here for me, but she's never going to do everything for me. Even though I beg!"

I call this being a non-s'mother'er. I mother, not smother. It may seem less loving to you, but I don't see it that way. I am so super limited on what I can do and how much time I can give to it, that I have to prioritize. Though, this does not mean that I always choose with precision, as my husband will attest. For example, I may start another load of laundry, while he is waiting in the air-doesn't-move attic on a smoldering hot day for me to help put stuff up and away, "Honey, I was waiting. Did you really have to get that laundry started this very second or could you have waited 5 minutes?"
"Ummmm, in my head, yes, yes, I really did. But, now I see what you mean....Ooops, Sorry! Need a block of ice?"

Yeah, so sometimes I mess up, well sue me, I'm human.

In being a non-s'mother'er with a laid-back parenting style, you can be mis-read. People will think you are lazy and uncaring. You don't jump to get your child what they need, you tell them where it is and how to get it....man, sooooo lazy!
You won't sign your kid up for every flavor of the week activity your child thinks he is going to just love doing, "Oh please, please, please! I always wanted to learn about bee-keeping! Please!"
"Not this time Sweetie, we need to see how this school year goes first, then we can start adding in activities, if our schedules will allow it. And I know, I know....I'm soooo MEEEEAN!!!"

When you parent in a laid-back sort of way, and allow your children to do for themselves, you really are teaching them to care for themselves.
You are saying to them, Mom's independence is necessary for this family to run smoothly, because if I am not sane, you won't have even half the things you have now.
You are saying to them, your independence is necessary. If you rely on me for all your "needs" then how will you ever grow in esteem for yourself?

I was raised in a large blended family. I felt many times that I was treated unfairly, and "If they really loved me they would let me..." But, what I now see is that family was always the center of importance in my rearing. Not me, but the family. Parents who made me do things for myself were not "lazy" but simply, great leaders and teachers who taught me esteem while making me do for myself. And generosity when asking me to take part in chores and family tasks.

Yeah, I'll take one of those "lazy" parents who allows their kids moments of independence and healthy risk opportunities, over a smother'er any day! Any other takers?

What a Lady!

I was looking for something entirely different while out on the 'net Google-ing, and found this article. How funny!
First of all, she's in the age range of my Grannies, so I instantly like her.
Second of all, she's packin' heat so you'd better watch out....seriously, watch out! She ain't playin' when it comes to "Chariot"!
And, Lastly, did anyone catch that at 88 she drove from Orlando to Pennsylvania?! I had to Google that to find out the distance, and it doesn't specify where in Pennsylvania she went, but just putting in Orland to Pennsylvania got me a Google map with the mileage of 1,088miles! Good Gracious! To be 88 and drive your car over 2,000 miles round trip is just amazing! Doesn't say how many days it took her or if she drove the whole way, but it seems like she was at least IN the car for the entire ride. She wins a medal for that alone! 2,000 miles in a car, no matter how many days it takes, is a LONG trip for anyone! Let alone an 88 year old! My knees started to cramp, my hips started to ache, and my butt asked me to "Stand UP" just thinking about it!
Rachel Veitch, I like you!

Don't Forget My Aero-Plane!

Grant's been talking about his birthday for about a month now. Every day he wakes up and says, "It's almost my birthday." And I tell him he's right....his birthday is just a few short weeks away.
About a week ago, I said maybe he would get an airplane for his birthday, since he was more than upset when Bubba got an airplane, and he didn't...why you ask? Well, because he said he wanted one, then decided he wanted a Super hero movie instead, sooooo, he changed his mind and was then remorseful about his decision. "That my aero-plane."
"No, Grant, that's Bubba's. You wanted the movie. Bubba got the airplane."
"Cuz that's mine! That's not Bubba's!"
"It is Bubba's. Maybe you can get an airplane for your birthday....maybe someone will get you an airplane for your birthday in a couple of weeks."
"That's right! I get a hopa-doctor and a aero-plane and a koh-toe-kye-cle fo my birthday?"
"Um, well, maybe an airplane. But, you think you'll get a helicopter, and a motorcycle, too?!
"Uh-Huh!!"
"Okay, well you never know! You might get at least one of those!"
"That's right Momma. I get all those fo my birthday. Bubba not get any."
"Not on your birthday, you're right. He won't get any of those on your birthday."

So, since then, every day, he wakes up and tells me about how it is almost his birthday and how he is going to get a koh-toe-kye-cle an aero-plane and a hopa-doctor on his birthday!

It is now my mission to make sure that he gets at least one of those or there is going to be a complete meltdown on his day!

Our neighbor's boy has this Batman Imaginext BatCave....it comes with a Batman, Robin, and a koh-toe-kye-cle. For an additional $12 you can get this hopa-doctor. Thinking our little man would not constantly ask to go see our neighbor Kyle if he, too, had one of these!

Now, this brings up the question....how much do you spend on birthday gifts for your own kids? What do you think is reasonable? I am not big into the whole "party" idea for kids Grant's age. I feel like if he won't really remember it, why bother? What he will remember is a gathering of people who love him. Which is why I usually just have a barbecue and invite over a bunch of our friends and their kids. That feels more appropriate to me. And, it's not about the gifts either. I tell everyone invited not to bring a gift. We just want Grant to have friends to play with....that's what makes a party fun, right?! Friends!
What he should take away from "his day" is that people who love him got together to celebrate and show him how much he is loved with their presence, not their presents.

But, as Mom and Dad we will be gifting him. Gotta make at least one of his wishes come true! So, that got me wondering how much other people gift? Do you have a standard set amount? Or do you have a rule about the kinds of gifts you give your kids, etc?

I have a couple of standards:
Baby Showers...diapers, wipes, baby necessities, all packaged in a small-ish Rubbermaid tote. I give it in the tote because with babies they are constantly growing out of clothes and growing into other sizes, etc. Having an extra tote makes it easy to store future outfits, or put away too small ones to then hand-down to someone else, or store away for the next baby! Such a useful gift, if you ask me! 'Course I am VERY practical!

Kid's Birthday Party.....I usually try to give clothing or books or something other than toys. As a parent of three, I know how much kids LOVE getting toys, but also how disrespectful to them they can be when they have too many! And, we have a standard set dollar amount on what we give for each event. That way I know I am always being fair, and too, it pushes me to be more creative! :)

So, as I was taking my ideas for gifts, etc, into consideration, I was wondering if others of you had standards or rules or limits, etc. Let me know.....I'm always interested in the ways others govern their families, children, homes, etc.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Funny things from the weekend:

Grant and Griffin were laying in our bed on Sunday both being told to take naps. Well, I could hear them in there messin' with each other, but figured I would just let it continue until it got above a certain decibel. A few minutes pass and here comes Griffin. "I just can't get any rest."
I say, "Well, I can hear you in there with your brother messin' around, so I'm sure that's why you can't get any rest." He says, "Well, he's just in there slapping me in the face and pulling my hair." I said, "Well, when it started were you laughing about it?" He says, "Yeah, but then he pulled my hair and it really hurt." I said, "Well, you maybe should just go sleep in your own bed then." He says, "Grant shouldn't be pullin' people's hair....my head really hurts."

"Okay, Honey. I hear ya. Just go lay down in your bed."

Griffin goes away and comes back in the living room...."Son, I told you to go to lay down."

"I know Mom, but here's what Grant did. See my hair?"

He hands me a chunk, and I mean a CHUNK, of hair that I half-way expected to have scalp attached to it! Holy cow! I had no idea someone could pull that much hair out of another person's head! Let alone a not-even 3 year old!

So, we marched back into my bedroom and I said, "Grant. You pulled this hair out of Bubba's head. We don't do that! We don't pull hair......that really hurt Bubba!"

Grant says, "Cuz, we fight. Bubba want to fight. We fight Momma."

"No, you lay down. Momma will lay down with you. Want me to lay down between you two Griffin?"

"Yeah"

"Okay. I will."

"Mom."

"Yes baby."

"Be careful, Mom. He might pull your hair out, too."

"I appreciate that. Hopefully he knows better than to do that to me." Have to say, I was a tad nervous....

Later that day......

Driving to run some errands....all the kids in the van, Dan driving, the Black Eyed Peas singing Boom Boom Pow on our stereo......all the kids and Mom dancing in our seats. Song ends. Griffin says, "Can you play that again?" Dan says, "It's the radio Buddy they can play anything." Griffin says, "Well, can you play another song like that?" We find another station playin' Low by Flo-Rida....Griffin's in the back mouthing Low, Low Low, Momma's up front dancing around, doing the shoulder-shimmy, Wyatt is pumping his fist in the air, and Grant is rocking side to side. I look at Dan and say, "I wonder how many other white families drive down the road listening to Hip-Hop with their whole white-as-they get, Aryan-looking boys dancing like they were all part of America's Best Dance Crew?" Good Times!!!

We were leaving Target, two carts, three kids, and a few bags. Dan put Wyatt in the van, I was putting the bags in the back, and Griffin was moving his cart into the cart corral....with Grant still in it. Griffin gets in the van and says, "Listen to Grant......He's yelling 'ayudame' like on Dora." Dan says, "Where is he?" Griffin, "In the cart...he needs help getting out." Too much to expect Griffin to help his hair-pulling brother out of it, huh?....
Being that we were parked right next to the cart corral, we pop our heads out of the van to hear Grant yelling, "Help Me! Help Me! Ayudame!" Had me in tears! So funny! Any Spanish speaker in the general vicinity would have been proud of his inflections too, very authentic! ha ha ha!

And let's not forget, Wyatt tried to sit on Gracie (our neighbor baby)'s face. Threw a fit because I was holding said baby, and has decided that our neighborhood belongs to him. When following him on his trek through HIS 'hood, he gets HIGHLY perturbed! Will turn around and screech at me while pointing his finger....."Back off lady!!" He's BOSSY that one!

Busy weekend, but fun....how could it not be with those three?!

Truly: THE BEST WEDDING ENTRANCE EVER!

Okay....one last post before I leave for vacation......oh my gosh this is too amazing!
Thanks Rachel for forwarding this to me!
It made me BAWL like a baby! Most of you probably won't. This is ME we are talking about! But for me it just illustrated how much these friends and family members must totally love the bride and groom!
And to be that happy! And to get everyone in the church THAT happy, WOW!!!!
Which is why I cried.....I love it!
So, watch this fantastic video and feel what I felt, if even just a little.....Bravo Jill and Kevin for making your wedding day that AWESOME!!!

What Did Jesus Look Like?

I'm trying to remember how this conversation started....

Okay, it was raining yesterday and I was driving Griffin home from his tutor.

Griffin: "It's raining. It's like God is taking a shower."

Me: "That's funny! Where'd you here that from, Honey?"

Griffin: "It's in the Bible...it's a Bible verse."

Me: "Oh it is, huh? Hmmmm, I never heard that one. I'm glad you told me."

Then I started thinking about something we were talking about in our Sunday School Class. So I said....

Me: "So, you think God takes showers? What do you think, then, that God looks like?"

Griffin: "Oh, he has long hair. And he wears a blue...ummmm...."

Me: "Robe?"

Griffin: "Yeah, a robe. It's blue. And he wears black sandals. Oh, and his hair is brown. And he sits in a chair in Heaven."

Me: "Well, then, what do you think Jesus looks like?"

Griffin: "Oh, Jesus? Oh, well, he's got shorter hair. And he wears a red robe, and black sandals. And his hair is brown and he's peach."

Me: "Peach. You think Jesus is peach?"

Griffin: "Yeah. What do you think God and Jesus looks like?"

Me: "Well, I really have no idea what God looks like. None. But, Jesus. Well, we know that he was Middle Eastern. So, I would guess he was more brown than peach."

Griffin: "Huh. Well, I guess we'll find out when we go to Heaven. We'll meet 'em then! What do you think Heaven looks like?"

Me: "I think it is probably the most beautiful place we will have ever laid our eyes on."

Griffin: "Yeah. I think so too. And I think it is probably sparkly."

Me: "Me too! Definitely sparkly!"

And that was that. Almost made me flat out cry. Tears did well-up in my eyes. But I held them back. What an amazing child he is.

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Something I have really been thinking about lately is concepts. Because from concepts we then build beliefs. If my concept of the church is that it is filled with hypocrites then my belief might be that religion is not important....finding a church is not impactful to me. I don't need church in my life.

If I conceptualize Jesus as a man, then don't I forget that he was once a baby, a child, a teenager, a young adult, and THEN a man. I mean think about it....surely as a child growing up he would have gotten hurt both physically and emotionally. Surely he had sadness in his life for which he would have to come to grips with. Looking at his life from the awkwardness of youth, maybe he even had bad acne at one time, and lips his face had to grow into. Who knows! But he was a teenager and he was human! What a concept, huh?! Imperfection. Even God would have allowed for these things to occur. He would need to limit His role in the life of His son so that Jesus could have a fully human experience. Interesting concept, isn't it?

Now, when you pray, do you visualize a picture of God? Do you visualize a picture of Jesus? And if so, what do you picture them like? Speaking of just Jesus....what sort of Jesus do you envision? Is it Jesus the carpenter? Jesus the teacher ministering to his flock? Or Jesus in his death as he hangs from the cross?

I find it really funny that I have never thought of Jesus as a baby! At least not really. I have always visualized him in my prayers at the age of his death. As a man. This concept of Jesus as a baby reminded me of the movie Talladega Nights. The main character Ricky Bobby is over and over again praying to "Dear Lord Baby Jesus".......so funny! Cracked me up each time he did this!! At one point in the movie, there's a scene where someone at the dinner table says to him, "He was a man! He had a beard!" And Ricky Bobby says, "I like the baby version the best!"

But he was a baby! He was a toddler. He was a young child. Oh my gosh! He was totally human in every way! He grew in the same ways that we all do. He didn't just come out a baby and then in ten years become a man, freakishly dispalying the fact that he was maybe "not of this world". No, he grew in every way that we do. The only oddity of his birth was that his mother immaculately conceived him. But Joseph was no less his earthly teacher and father. And no less proud of Jesus in his every endeavor. Yet, I'm sure Joseph was also no less admonishing of him each time he did something "dangerous" or "without thinking" for Joseph was human too.

Jesus was not privileged, at least not in the way we typically use the word. No, he didn't grow up in wealth. He didn't grow up in a metropolis. He didn't grow up with the famous. He grew up, seemingly insignificantly. And, yet, He changed our world forever.

These realities have really helped me, lately. Knowing that when I see my role as insignificant, I am wrong. When I see the children within my reach as normal and regular, I am wrong. When I see the people I come into contact with as purposeless and without bearing on myself or my family or my world, I am wrong.

Jesus was an infant, a boy, and a man. Every experience he had in life, and every person he encountered in his upbringing molded him and brought him to his destiny. Oh how it must have felt to have been his neighbor. To see how he changed the world. And to be able to say, "I knew that man when he was just a boy!"

But the concept hasn't changed. We make an impact on everyone around us. From our peers, to the kids our kids interact with, to our co-workers.....everyone. And the concept that we are all creating a history not only for ourselves but for everyone we come in contact with, is wow, monumental! And it started with us when we were babies.

Conceptualize with me this world: every person around me has value and is worthy of Me at my best. Not to say you are not allowed to have moods other than happiness. But, what if.....what if you decided that just as Jesus wasn't always a man, neither were we. If you have wrongs that were done to you in your past....make peace with them. If there are people in your life who are hurting you with their words or actions, while you hide behind "acceptance", get honest with them.

Conceptualize one last thing......You are at peace. The people who have wronged you have been forgiven, and don't forget forgiveness does not mean you condone their actions. The hurting that others continue doing to you has been brought to them. And their decision to either correct or continue behaviors has either kept them in your life or has cut them out of your life, but you are at peace.

If I conceptualize a world where my mark IS a lasting one then all of a sudden I understand relationships and their value. I understand healing. I understand forgiveness. I understand the need for the community of church in my life and I feel happiness. The question is, are you deserving of that concept?

Dinner Tonight!

This is the Archer Farms California Chicken Salad that is sold in the refrigerated deli section of Target stores across the country. I first had this salad a few months ago, and I now eat this salad about once every couple of weeks....I LOVE IT!!!

It's a really simple salad....really simple. But the flavors are AMAZING!!! So, of course, you know me I make it for myself now! Thanks Archer Farms!

We're having company for dinner tonight and this salad is what I will be serving! The boys will probably not eat it....looks like hot dogs for them! Thought I would share the ingredients with all of you because you just really should try this salad! YUMMMMM!

California Chicken Salad

Romaine Lettuce

Dried Cherries

Feta Cheese crumbles

Walnuts

Grilled Chicken (or baked, or chicken nuggets you've zapped in the microwave, whatever, just some sort of chicken)

Poppy Seed Dressing (tonight we will be using Sweet Vidalia Onion Dressing that I bought a gallon of at Sam's, or close to it....but it IS completely delicious and probably will not last long in our house!)

Just combine all the ingredients and enjoy!

I will be serving ours with a nice white wine and a loaf of toasty hot french bread.....mmmmm...

C'mon Over! I bought ALL of the ingredients at Sam's so you know I have plenty!! :)

Daddy's Boy

Why Wyatt is exactly his father.

1) He looks exactly like him.....I mean identical....except for the blond hair...he is a mini-me, er Mini-Dan, I mean! :)

2) He can be so serious. I need to get a picture to add to this post so you can see side by side how they both furrow their brows. Just know that in a 1 year old, a furrowed brow is HIGHLY comical!

3) Ice Cream. Last night I let him have some ice cream. And might I state for the record that he would not let me feed him. WOULD NOT! I was not allowed to hold the spoon at all.....I practically couldn't even look at it! He'd watch me, if I touched the spoon he would shake his head vigourously back and forth a hundred times saying "No No No" the whole time. If I left the spoon alone but watched him he would point his finger at me and say "No, No, No"....and when I left him alone with the bowl, he got frustrated with the spoon, used his hands and then, finally, drank the ice cream from the bowl....his forehead, cheeks, nose, chin, tummy, and mouth were ice cream coated...but he was in heaven! Just as his father is when he eats ice cream! (Though Dan is slightly less messy......slightly.)

4) Sweaty. This kid sweats. It is not a little glistening on the forehead or skin that is a tad bit clammy....no, he is like soaking wet hair, skin slick with perspiration, and harder to hold onto than a greased pig! When he gets like this, if he falls down on the floor, he'll get up and have stuff stuck to his sweaty legs and belly. It's like, "Oops! How'd that happen? Oh, hey, I found this Cheerio for you!" Not going to say Dan has ever had Cheerio's stuck to him after laying on the floor (though he probably has, he's just never offered me one) but that guy is sweaty! Not stinky sweaty though. That would be hard to live with....No, just sweaty, lots of sweat, sweaty! And so is Wyatt. Two peas in one sweaty pod!

5) Lastly, he's a night owl! This is something he without a doubt 100% gets from his father! It's like he gets a second wind around 7:30-8:00 when I am trying to wind him down he is winding up! Last night I spent an hour and a half rocking him trying to get him settled. Only to have his Dad walk in the door at 8:45 and Wyatt to leap from my arms...."It's on!" That hour plus of togetherness was just a farce! He was just pacifying me! "Yeah, I'll sit here quietly, but I'm just resting up...that second wind is comin'!" He and his Dad had a sandwich together, ate some chips, played on the floor, etc. Then, Dan and I spent the better part of an hour watching him do this Michael Flattley Lord of the Dance move while spinning himself silly, over and over again! HUH-LARRY-US!!!! I fell asleep at 10:30....there's no telling what time he finally did. But Daddy was awake....he put him to sleep. Daddy's always awake longer than Mommie.....thus Wyatt is just like his Dad!

I know there are definite characteristics that Wyatt gets from me like some of his silliness and his love for dancing......but, truly, Wyatt is his Daddy's boy!

If I Only Had An "S"

Desert....Dessert
Fast....Feast

Only a single letter makes them completely different words...opposites if you will.

To fast, to go without food. To feast, to openly engorge in it.
Desert a barren waste land....rich of nothing. Dessert an oppulent treat at the end of a meal....extra.

You know I like to think of dessert as extra because a dessert isn't necessary. Dinner yes. Food to sustain me, yes. Dessert, an indulgence!

But how strange, how curious that the two are just one letter away. Desert is one 's' away from richness. Barren and desolate....but if I just had one more 's' I could be something else all together!

I started thinking about these words in my Esther class. When Beth Moore asks us students if anyone had noticed the contrasts between feasting and fasting. In the first part of this book of the bible, everyone is feasting. And even the day that the King's edict is sent out is a day of feasts for the Jews. The exact day this doctrine goes out, is the Jewish day of Passover. The largest and most celebrated holiday in their community....a day of feasting. On that day, Esther asks that all the Jews of Susa gather and fast for 3 days and 3 nights. On this day of feasts, she asks them to fast. I wonder how many Jews were thinking, "We were supposed to be feasting, not fasting!" Wow. They were just one letter away!

You have to really wonder. You have to wonder how many times we see our lives as just one second away from greatness...or one swing away from champions...or one chromosone away from perfection. And we mull it over. Over and over....."What could have been!?!"
But here is my question for you......Why isn't the reality we are given perfection?
Why do you think that these lessons in perceived failure aren't your perfect life?

We are each given a life of imperfection. That is a known going into the world. Hang-up your thoughts of Prince Charming and Cinderella....they do not exist. We are all imperfect. Beautifully! I bet there is not even one of us who would disagree. But, how much do you really allow yourself to believe? Or better yet, how often do you thank God for the desert and not the dessert?
Isn't a dessert extra anyway?

Just some thoughts....hope those of us out there yearning for that 's' might start realizing that deserts are a gift too. Happy Thursday!

Grant

Grant has a recent obsession....Well, maybe obsession is not the right word....serious interest, is probably better. Grant has a serious interest in BOOBS, lately.

His boobs, your boobs, his brothers' boobs, his dad's boobs, my bras, everything about boobs is just fascinating to him!

Several weeks ago, we were at the pool with some friends. I was in line for a snow cone with Grant and our friend's little girl. Grant turns around and says, "See my boobies?!" to the little girl with us.
She looks at him like, "Super...yeah, I see them, super great....where's my snow cone?!"
When she doesn't respond, he gets even closer to her and while pushing in his nipples with the index finger of each hand he says, "See um? See my bobbies???"
He does this three times! I say to him on the second, "Grant, yes, we see your boobies...quit it!!"
Third time comes....."See my boobies? You see um?"
The little girl, you can see, is thinking, He is not going to leave me alone about these boobies until I acknowledge him. So, she says, "Yeah...I see um."
Grant grins from ear to ear, like, "Yeah, that's right! I have boobies!!!"

In the middle of the night two nights ago, Grant wakes up and is making a HUGE fuss! And as we all know, Grant was not given the quiet gene. He is dialed into only Loud and LOUDER!!!

So, because I wish to get some rest out of this evening, I scoot little loud-mouth from his room where we leave a still sleeping, Thank God, Wyatt to rest peacefully.

I take Grant into our bed and we go back to sleep. In the morning he wakes up, and dashes from my bed......only to run down the hall and scream, "WYATT!!! You 'WAKE?!?!"

"MOMMMM! WYATT WAKE UP!! HE WAKED UP!!!"
He sure did! Couldn't have anything to do with all the yelling, could it?!

I gather up Wyatt and scootch them both into the kitchen where I set them at the table and fix their cereal. Yes that's right, scootch, I'm sure it's a word, I use it all the time! Thus, it's a word! After I get them settled, I jump into the shower, jump out of the shower, run down the hallway, dress for the day like I was in a race, and within 10 minutes from my kitchen departure, I'm back.

Entering the kitchen Grant gives me a very perplexed look.
"Momma.....You got your boobies?"
"Yes, honey...yes, I have my boobies."
"Momma. No, I go get your boobies!"
Me not understanding.... "What? Honey, what? Yes, of course I already have my boobies...right here, can't take 'em off." Though, at times I realize it looks as if they aren't there because they are slowly disappearing off of my body....I swear I DID have boobs at one time...I did! Promise!
Grant just looks at me and says, "No, I go get your boobies!"

With that, he runs into our bedroom and over to my side of the bed. I find him there desperately searching for something.
That's when I realize I had taken my bra off and laid it on the chair next to my bed the night before. Grant must've noticed it there when he got out of our bed this morning before running down the hallway bellerin' for Wyatt.

I say to him, "Oh, honey....were you looking for Mommy's bra? Mommy has it on already."
"No you don't!"
"Yes, yes I do!"
"No you not! It was right here!"
You know what's coming next, right?! I have to convince him that I have it, right?! So, I lift my shirt up to show him that I do indeed have the bra on.
As he sees it on me, you see the tension noticeably melt from his shoulders.
"Ahhh, there's your boobies! Right there!"

Now, this morning, Grant wakes up from his bed and is standing in the hallway, "Momma! I wake up!!!!! MOMMA!!!!"
"Okay, Grant, Okay, here I come....hush baby! Hush, you're going to wake up Wyatt!'

Now, after I get him settled in to watch Batman....I jump in the shower. 'Nother quick one, because just like I can't trust he and his brother at the kitchen table by themselves, I also cannot trust Grant up in the living room by himself. It's quite normal to be in the shower for all of 2 minutes when you hear the slamming of the bathroom door opening and a little boy yelling, "Momma! Wyatt just WAKE UP!" And in the background Wyatt's wailing away! Why?! ....hmm.... I wonder....Oh, probably because his brother went in their room and scared the dickens out of him by yelling, "WAKE UP WYATT!!!!"

But, this morning, all was well, no screaming baby and no screaming Grant...Grant was just amusing himself in the recliner by putting his feet where his head should be while rocking in the chair...big shock, I know, Grant rocking!!
Anyway, just as soon as he sees me he says, "You got your boobies?"
"Yes honey, I got 'em"
"Momma, I got no shirt...you see my bobbies? My boobies right here!" as he points to his chest.
"Yep! I see um!"
"Momma! I go get your boobies!!"
And, off he darts down the hallway, around to my side of the bed, and sure enough, there is my bra sitting on the chair (I guess I'm a creature of habit). He hands me my bra, and says, "Momma, put on your boobies!"
This might not seem like a big deal, but I'm just from the shower...and I'm not the most comfortable in my own skin!!! Clothing...I'm comfortable in CLOTHING! But, I feel like, okay, he is 2 and he has no understanding of sexuality or anything at this point, so, geesh, put the bra on Carrie!
I oblige him and put the bra on.
He just smiles so satisfactorily and says, "Now Momma, you wear your boobies all day!"
"Okay honey...Mommy will!"
To which he then runs off down the hall holding his own boobies in opposing hands.

What am I gonna do with this boy?!?!?

On This Day In History

On this day in History:

1934: The NFL's Portsmouth Spartans become the Detroit Lions

1936: The 40-hour work week law is approved

1955: "Johnny Carson Show" debuts on CBS

1971: Ohio becomes 38th state to approve the lowered voting age of 18, thus ratifying the 26th amendment

1975: Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Heavyweight boxer Muhammad Ali defeats Joe Bugner in a 15 round unanimous decision fight (marking Ali's 48th career win)


And, most importantly, but with less significance in your look-up of "History Making Dates" a little boy is born to anxious and gleefully awaiting parents. He's over 9 lbs and healthy as an Ox! He comes into the world without the knowledge of his future, but he already has purpose. In his first few hours of life, love takes root in a way no other bond can as he suckles from the breast of his mother while the worries of Mother and Father are laid to rest as they see now that their prayers have been answered.

This baby will grow into a young lad filled with dreams and beliefs of things we know as adults to be impossible, but in our pre-school years seem totally and utterly within reach.

He will meet and exceed the expectations of his parents as God keeps blessing them year after year with the exuberant life that breathes from this boy.

His growing-up will bring him many places.....but the one I'm so selfishly grateful for is into the town of Jonesboro, Arkansas. Where he'll meet the girl whom he'll spend the rest of his life with.

Upon their meeting, she will remember thinking, "Is there more to this than chance?"

By far there is more to their meeting than chance. And, God will unite this boy and girl in matrimony, gracing their union with the birth of three marvelous little boys.

This boy is now a man, this day 33. Bringing joy, still, to the man and woman whose lives together as parents began at his birth. Bringing laughs, and smiles of appreciation, still, from a sister who has always looked up to her big brother. And, still, forming upward turned creases in the lips of his little men as he simply walks into the room.

Another year is here. Another anniversary of your birth. And you're STILL my comfort, my love, and my rock. I love you so much! Happy Birthday!

Behavior: Hard-ly My Fault, Right?

People are always asking me if it is hard to work a full-time job, raise three kids, be a wife, and a maid, and a short-order cook, and a party planner, and a, and a, and, and, and......

I have always looked at the person saying this and said, "Yes, it is hard....so hard, but I love my family and I will do what I need to do to make it all work." Now, let me add, what I don't say, "But not without complaining about it!"

I decided just the other day that I am going to change my vocabulary. I am going to take the word H-A-R-D out of my language not going to let it live in my head anymore. Nope...changing the word to C-H-A-L-L-E-N-G-I-N-G. Because hard makes it sound like I am unhappy with my "work", or it can imply that I expect pity, because "Oh, it's just so hard!"

When Griffin and I are working on his words and letters and all the nerdy sort of booky-things I love and he hates, the one thing he will tell me over and over is "This is too hard!"

Dan and I were at Sonic a few days ago when he pointed something out to me. I was sitting there watching these Car Hops roller skating all around and it was scaring me! I said to Dan, "This girl is freaking me out on these skates. She could get hit by a car so easily!"

Dan laughed and said, "If it weren't you sitting next to me, I would have sworn it was Griffin who just said that."

"Oh, I just sounded like Griffin huh....hmm, yeah I guess I did."

But, the truth is....He sounds like ME!

So, where does he get this, "It's too hard...I can't.....I never get to do what I want!" Where...hmm.....ME! The light bulb went off and I saw that anti-drug PSA from years back where the kid says, "I learned it by watching you!"

What I am putting-out....it's coming back to me. And here's something I know to be true, and something for which I have really been working on. When I am around people who are being negative, I will try very hard to stay on the high-ground, but, before I know it, I'm down in the muck, wallowing around with them. I'm reflecting their emotions. I'm emulating them.

It's like this....someone, maybe your husband, is upset with you. He says something like this, "Yeah, you know, you complain about cleaning but you aren't doing it every day. Just look around. Doesn't seem like you are keeping up very well." Okay.....most of us would launch into a tirade of, "Oh, yeah, you think it looks bad NOW....I can get it looking even worse. Want me to stop trying all together. Oh, and by the way, what are YOU doing to keep up around here?" etc, etc, etc.

Yipes! Talk about emulating! So, what if we did this instead, "I'm sorry. I suppose that complaining can get pretty old. Next time I am complaining, could we try this....put your hands on my shoulders, look me in the eyes and reassure me that Rome wasn't built in a day. Then, if you would, this will sound weird, but could you give me a compliment? You see, I'm trying really hard to turn off those negative, "This is too HARD!", voices and when I'm getting into that mode, I really think a compliment would help."

Wouldn't that take this obvious "fight" situation to a different place? Instead of you or I putting our gloves up in the air and readying ourselves for 12 rounds, we are taking the gloves off and giving our "opponent" a hug....a big bear hug! Saying, "I am so sorry you are frustrated....I get that way too....Let me help you"

That's what I need to do. My boys are the eyes and ears of what I am putting out into the world. And though they can be the sweetest, kindest, most loving children at times.....They can also be self-defeators, know-it-alls, and nothing-nice-to-sayers.

Gotta look in the mirror and see myself as the root of those too. Yeah, that's a hard image to see looking back, but it's mine. I'm the one who modeled that behavior, therefore "they learned it by watching me!"

I'm moving Hard into the storage closest. In it's place Challenging. I am taking the positive traits, what I see in myself, what I see in my kids, I am taking those positive characteristics and I'm amplifying them. No more, self-defeating, no more know-it-all (this will be difficult, I DO know a lot, but better to say, "I thought...", instead of "You said...." sounds so much nicer, huh?), and no more complaining! Letting words escape my mouth that will have a negative impact on what I want my kids to learn only makes parenting that much more CHALLENGING! See, I'm working on it!!!

Friends

Friends....do you ever wonder how you became friends with someone...who initiated the contact, why you were "attracted" to this individual or was it just through circumstances that a friendship ensued.
Friends are so much different than family. As the saying goes, "You can't choose family". Which doesn't mean you can't be friends with your family members. In fact, two of my closest girlfriends are my cousins. Thick and thin, we've been through it all, and I would not be the same person without them. Love you Cori and Molly!

I was reminded of how great it is to have "old friends" when my sister in law posted on her Facebook status that she had just gone to dinner with one of her oldest and dearest friends. It got me thinking. Old friends are such a treasure. Someone who has shared the stories of your life...the good, the bad...the ugly (me from about age 9 to maybe 17...Can we say HUMONGOUS glasses, TINY nose!) Now, as I sit back and look at old pictures, I laugh. I'm no longer that self-esteem lacking, attention craving, talks a mile a minute (okay maybe I still have a touch of this one) girl. But, weren't we all something we're not, today? I mean, we can't be the Varsity Football Team Captain forever. Our lives evolve. Some friendships last and others fade away. New friendships develop and some dissolve. Sometimes friendships even renew!
But one thing that is constant is our need for friends. Our need to find and align ourselves with people we "see ourselves" in. How lucky I feel to have cast out my seeds only to have, now, a garden full of friends. Blessed and Graced I am.

To me the most interesting of all these types of friendships is new friends. New friends are an end result of all the years of work and support you have had from your "old friends" and family. Whom you end up aligning yourself with in the "now" is a direct result of whom you aligned yourself with previously.
I had a friend tell me one time, this was a friend of many years, a best friend, that she could no longer be my friend. She was battling a lot of things, but the biggest was her propensity for following and getting herself into trouble and vowing her loyalty to the wrong kind of people. These "friends" she had made while I had moved away were dragging her down into the gutter and because of her need for approval, she loyally followed them. The counselor she was seeing told her she needed to set her friendship standards higher and start finding friends she wished she could be more like, not friends she thought she was like. Obviously, this advice did not take into account the possibility of my friend having one friend who wasn't a bad influence. But, I get it. And that WAS excellent advice.
Sometimes your life needs a shake up! Turn it on it's head and say, "I'm not willing to do this any more! I deserve better!"
I still mourn the loss of that friendship...but what I don't think I realized til now, was that in losing that friend, I had to move-on and grow myself...in ways I might not have had we continued in our friendship.

That loss forced me to really go out and try to connect with others. I, too, needed to find friends I wanted to be like, and maybe stop trying to find people I already thought I was like. I had a lifelong friendship vanish....but my life wasn't over.
I guess I did exactly what she did...I started anew. And it has been good for me, GREAT for me actually! I still have friendships from the past, those will stay near and dear to my heart for as long as blood pumps through my veins. But, now I know that I can venture out of my comfort zone and into new realms, realms that I previously felt I was unworthy of entering. "I'm not that kind of person", "I'm really not knowledgeable enough to join that group", "I'm soooo not what they REALLY want in a member", etc.
Now, now, I see that I am. We all are. Friendships start with a warm smile and a heart-felt "Hello!" With giving and expecting nothing in return....with sharing and accepting that your story is a part of who you are and what amazing lives we have all lived! New friends are a product of all those old relationships, good and bad. New friends are abundant, you just have to accept that you deserve them and the doors will open!

Wyatt's In LOVE!

Edit: Finally, I have good pictures of the S'mores love-a-thon...please scroll through and check him out!

You just have to see these blurry camera-phone pictures of Wyatt. I wish they had turned out better, but, oh well, they still convey the HILARITY of my littlest boy...Wyatt will just absolutely crack you up! He has to be one of the funniest little characters I know!

'Course, he does have two older brothers who have been known to be comedians as well!

Here's the situation:

We went over to a friend's house. I remembered I had bought the items needed to make S'mores and decided the kids would enjoy that. Even though we were not having a bonfire to roast the marshmallows on (and that really IS why S'mores are fun) I figured we could do them in the microwave and the kids would enjoy that too.......

Well, one of the little ones left their S'mores plate within reach of lil' ol' Wyatt and let's just say he was in LOVE!!!

Here are some photos of the love-fest:

Oh, Mi Amor, How I love you! Je T'adore... mmwah, mmwah, mmwah

I just can't keep my hands off!

Or, my face!

Something tells me this will be a relationship that lasts....at least until my Momma hoses me down and bathes me in Goo Be Gone, but Oh How I will cherish this moment!

He was so STICKY and so Chocolatey! But seeing him fall in love with a S'more was well worth the cleaning effort!

I could be the next Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man!

Inspiration

Inspired-outstanding or brilliant in a way or to a degree suggestive of divine inspiration.
Inspiration-a) a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation b) the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions.

When was the last time you felt inspired? When was the last time your marrow felt inspiration from on-high? The word of God breathing down upon you and the Holy Spirit filling you with a joy you feel from your fingertips to your toes.......

All I have to say is Beth Moore! If you take one of her bible studies, or if you ever have the opportunity to see her live (I am going to get my ticket to see her here in Memphis on October 9th....let me know if any of you would like to go as well!) You will find yourself reaching into parts of your being that haven't been delved into before. You will find yourself joyous, happier than you may have ever been because God is working here on Earth, now! Through people like Beth Moore.

I am taking the Beth Moore Esther Study and I can say one thing for sure.....I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting this inspiration to come from this study. I wasn't expecting this joy to come from this study. I wasn't expecting this nodding my head, "I know where you are coming from and sister I know where you have been" to come from this study.

I am SO in the right place right now....God knew what he was doing! I actually said to a friend that I thought this was going to be a good class, but I didn't think that I was going to get as much from this as some of the ladies, because I am feeling pretty confident about my place in this world. WOW! I really wasn't thinking about a lot of things, like: Inspiration....learning and growing and feeding my soul what it needs to be inspired and to keep being inspired. Connections....new bonds that are forming as I sit there and take in Beth's lessons with these wonderful and different ladies. History......I didn't know that subconsciously I was feeling like the Bible was a story and not HISTORY, mine, yours, ours! HISTORY, and God has got to love us to bring us through all that happened in the Bible, right?! And, God has got to love us to bring us through our own tales, too. We've got some stories to tell, don't we?

Beth Moore said this last night, and it has been ringing in my ears and has had me joyfully smiling and unwittingly crying ever since, "You cannot amputate your history from your destiny." Let me say that again, "You cannot amputate your history from your destiny."
Can I get an AMEN?! WOW! And in Beth Moore style look at the person next to you and say, "It's what got you HERE!"

WOW, Beth Moore, WOW. You are inspiring and I am ever grateful for your ministry!

Oh, and let me also add, that I would not be able to take this class without the willingness of my friend Leanne to lead it......You are my soul's sister, I love you, Thank You!

And, lastly, I would not be able to take this class without the support of my amazing husband! God has gifted me Honey...I know I don't always make you feel that way, but he has! I love you more and more each day! I'm entirely too lucky to have you and to have this life I get to share with you. How blessed I am!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

What's Wrong With Bikini Underwear?

First of all, if you wear thong underwear, I hope I do not offend you here. But, I think you will get my point if you decide to read further.

Yesterday, I left work early because Griffin has a swim lesson. We get to the Y, and there I find out that the swim lesson has been cancelled. This peeves me a little because I was going to work out. But, now, Griffin wants to go home. This would make for good use of my time....run home, start fixing dinner, get the dishes done, etc, before I have to go pick up the little ones...alright, no working out for me. Not working out, though, does make me a little sad because I am seriously trying to get swimsuit ready...or at least not look like two-ton Tessie at the swimming pool this summer.

So, off we go to the house, where Griffin has requested I make "tomatoes" for dinner. "Tomatoes, you don't like tomatoes....you mean PO-tatoes?"
"Oh yeah, that's what I meant, ba-tatoes.....you know the crumbly ones. The kind that are all sort of mooshed-up."
"Mashed Potatoes. You want mashed potatoes."
"Yeah. Can you make those for dinner? I love those!"
"Sure honey. I should have enough time before I have to go pick up your brothers, so sure."
"Good!"
Mashed potatoes, corn, and chicken was our menu. While I cooked, Griffin asked if he could have breakfast since he didn't have breakfast that morning. "Sure. But I am making you crumbly potatoes (giggle)....don't fill up on breakfast!"
"Oh I won't!"
......"Mom."
"Yes."
"You didn't tell me good morning before you left."
"I didn't? Oh, I'm sorry honey!"
"And you didn't give me a kiss."
"Oh, I am doubly sorry sweetie! I didn't know I missed that too!"
"I really like getting kisses from you in the morning....and for you to tell me Good Morning...and you didn't."
"Well, if that made you sad, I apologize. Can I give you a kiss now?"
"Sure."
Muhwah
"Okay. We're good."

"This is the best dinner ever!"
"Well, I'm glad you like it!"
"Did you know that corn and mashed ba-tatoes is a recipe Mom?"
"No, I didn't know that."
"Yep, mixing your corn into your mashed potatoes is....we should write that down."
"Okay. Who would we tell? We already know that recipe."
"My teachers and grandma. We should tell them about corn and mashed ba-tatoes...they would like this recipe, it's the best!"
"Well, we might need to do that."

After dinner and cleaning up, I had to run out to a meeting at church. I wasn't sure what time it started. Though, I was thinking 6:30 sounded right (but thought 6:00 could be right too, so I left the house and got to the church at 6:15, either 15 minutes early or 15 minutes late, but either was acceptable in my mind.)

At the church I was surprised I saw no cars. Hmmm, 6:30 must have been right.....I'm early.

After waiting around for another 10 minutes I decided something must be wrong here. The committee I am on at church has like 30 or more people on it, and many of them are older, and let's just say that the old folks I know I never late going anywhere. So, I walk up to the church entrance to find out what is going on. Sam, the custodian, informs me I was really early, the meeting did not start until 7:00. Crud!

Hey, but look here I am still in my workout clothes and the Y is right next door. So, off I run to the van and next door I go to the gym! I can still get in my workout!

Upon entering the Exercise Room, I notice a couple of youngsters hanging out in there. Two girls just sort of hanging around looking at things. The two both have full-makeup on and I'm guessing neither is more than 14.

Whatever, I have a workout to do here! Looks like these girls are just looking for some attention.

After climbing to the top of the Sears Tower, and no joke, that is what I felt like afterwards, I rush over to the Hip Abduction machine, I have just a few more minutes to get those Suzanne Somers Thigh Master legs, I notice the two girls from earlier are now on Ellipticals side by side. Seriously girls, how are you getting any sort of work out? You're barely walking on those things and talking non-stop. It wouldn't have surprised me if next they started text messaging each other on their cell phones OMG, did you see that hottie over there? He was totally checking me out!

I'm in a huge hurry, gotta get to my meeting, but as I run over to get the spray and clean off my machine for the next person, one of the girl's grabs my attention. Is she wearing jean shorts, and tiny ones at that? Jean shorts, or maybe I should call them denim underwear, no wonder you're barely making that thing go....hello, heard of chafing before? Ouch!
Then, I see something else that itty-bitty jean shorts girl is sporting, a Whale Tail, as my husband would call it, or a thong to all of us not so witty folks. And, now, I am disgusted.

14, maybe, wearing shorts that barely cover her rear with underwear on that are obviously so far up her crack (or just that much too big for her very immature physique) that the band and the T are a good 4 inches higher than the waistband of her shorts.......gross! Where is your MOTHER!!!

No mother in sight, I'm vigorously cleaning this machine saying to myself, You can just walk out like you never saw a thing. But is that right?! It WILL only take you a second to stop by and tell her what she's flashing....and by the way, does your mother know you wear those?

With my machine cleaner than anyone else has ever left it, I decide on doing what's right....Okay, let's do this......
"Honey, your underwear are showing."
Annoyed look from barely teen whose conversation and "work-out" have just been interrupted, "WhaTTT?"
"Your underwear are showing."
Words sinking in to the cavernous empty space between her two ears, "oh." And, then, a feeble attempt is made to pull down at her shirt and pull up on the denim cloth.

I walked away thinking:
And your mother let you come here this way? What was she thinking? And your working-out, is puh-leez...pathetic, no one is buying this act honey! And do you see these grown men behind you? I'm sure you are making them laugh their tails off...baby-girl trying to look like a "woman". What sort of example of a girl are you displaying here? I may not be a tramp, but today I am playing the role of one....Full makeup, shorts that barely restrain my bits, and a thin shred of material "covering" my most private of all areas.
Little girl.......GROSS.

I went home last night and the first thing I said to my husband was, "There are definite benefits to having boys."

And, Griffin, just so you know, Mommie will always be here to tell you Good Morning and give you kisses ....but, if at 14 you bring home a girl who looks like this......she will never get the corn and mashed ba-tato recipe!

Thank God For Gray Hair!

Older and wiser they say. Isn't that how it goes? Older and wiser.

I'm so grateful I am coming into that statement. Utterly grateful for all the life experiences I have had. Without them I might still be waiting on older and wiser to get here. I could be 50 and still thinking, "hmm, older and wiser...not sure I am there yet, still making the same bad decisions." But, instead, I am in my early 30's taking stock of my life and saying to myself, "older and wiser....yes I am!"

I can't even fathom that I was nervous about turning 30. What does 30 mean? Does it mean responsible? Does it mean no more childish outbursts? How do I act 30? I've never been 30 before!

30, doesn't mean that you have to be responsible, but for me it means I want to. 30, for me, doesn't mean I never have a childish outburst, but my maturity in handling situations has finally settled in and childish outbursts aren't very common anymore.

I feel so in-control of my life in my 30's. Even though the question "what will I be when I grow up" still sometimes comes out of my mouth and enters my thoughts, the thoughts that immediately follow are no longer ones of self-doubt and vulnerability. The thoughts that immediately follow are, "What are you already?", "Look at all you have accomplished.....You CAN do anything!"

I wished for this confidence in my youth. I faked it in my 20's. Now, in my 30's, I am living it. Aging is a wonderful gift!!

5 Things I never thought I would be grateful for:
1) Getting Older
2) Kids......I knew I would be grateful for them, but never could have imagined their impact!
3) Change
4) Not having money.....because when you have to work for things or be creative in your getting what you'd like, you build character!
5) Worries....because it is then that my Faith has been tested and what I've been shown is the true beauty of God's power. I am in awe of His grace.

Now, tell me 5 things are you grateful for that you never thought you would be.

Don't Lose Sight of the Boomerang Effect

Gonna rant for a second....Why is it okay to blatantly hurt someone else's feelings? Because we as humans sometimes suck? Because we as humans sometimes like to see others hurt? Because we can't stand to see other people happy? Why?!

I will say this....sometimes things need to be said. Sometimes. Sometimes, people do need to hear what they do not want to hear. But, being hateful, just hurting someone else's feelings because of your own insecurities, that is despicable!

I wish I could ball up all of the hate and hurt in the hearts of these offenders and throw it away...vanquish it so that they would no longer feel the need to be hateful or hurtful to anyone else.

It is a pity that we have but one life to live and that some waste it by memorializing themselves with the hurt they press down upon others.

I hope that forgiveness will come to the ones you've hurt. That they will find places of pity and understanding to forgive you. I pray that witnesses to your improprieties will whisper softly to themselves, "that will never be me." And when you selfish, indignant individuals turn to the ones you've scorned I wish that in your need the lesson will be learned......

What goes around comes around.

Jerk-Off, ahhh, that felt good!

I like to call names. I admit it. Sometimes I just like to call a Jerk a Jerk. Or a PooPooHead a PooPooHead.

I find myself in the car, quite often, telling the "Dude" in front of me to "C'mon! Watch the frickin' road", and "What the @$&%$&+$ Do you think you are doing!!!! Can't you see I am in this lane already!?!?" And I make up all sorts of names for these guys and gals. Nothing new here, just a lot of oldies-but-goodies, like:
Dillweed
Jerk-Off
A-Hole
Freakin' Moron
Douche Bag
and the list goes on.....

But, as I said, I sort of like this. Does that make me weird? That I sorta like calling people names but not to their face, only while in my car. It's only to the back of the head of said person in front of me while I am in my mobile transporting vessel hurtling down the road at 60 miles an hour. "Who the heck taught you to drive, Dumb-A&^!!"

And it's not road rage. I know that's what you're thinking. Because see, I would never get up next to the person and call him/her any of these names I call them behind their back, nope, I like to just call them names and then forget. Just drive past them and not give them a second glance. Not necessary, I called you all the names I needed to while you were in front of me. Now that I am leaving you behind, I have nothing to say but, "ARRIVEDERCI!!"

It's wonderful, actually. Name calling. It helps you to articulate your disdain for the person. Gives your mind a way to escape, makes me laugh fitfully sometimes. Yes, that's me the crazy lady in the car behind you with the vein bulging out of her head, throwing her hands in the air, and then laughing hysterically. That's me!

Another thing I catch myself doing while driving, and let me just say that the name calling is only done while I am alone in the car....okay, is almost always only done while I am alone in the car. And curse words are not used if the kids are in the car with me....okay, only mild curse words are used while the kids are in the car, and this doesn't happen very often.....a very honest admission, I must say.....but I digress. I catch myself making sound effects for these pitiful cars driving down the road, too.

I make sounds like Speed Buggy, "Room a zoom-zoom, Plurp-plurp-phhlrpphllrp Let's get it goin' here Buddy! Got a little water in your tank? When was the last time you checked your oil???! Sheesh, smokin like a barbecue grill on game day!!! Get a tune up, already!!"
And this will make me laugh too. I just kill myself sometimes! Who IS this lady making these noises and talkin all this smack? Huh?!

I guess I like this freedom because it doesn't hurt anyone. Anyone who knows me, knows I would hate to hurt someone's feelings. I am always trying to find the best way to say something because I really think it matters, how you approach subjects and how the person is left feeling. These things matter to me. But, not when I'm in the car. I could care less if you were a van-load full of nuns, if you are in the fast lane going 45 I am going to call you a whole slew of names until you get out of my way, and stop holding up the flow of traffic.

Weird. I guess I am a little weird. But a good driver.....just a mouthy one!

So what about you? Do you catch yourself saying things out loud in certain places, places you feel safe. And saying things you would never normally say because how would that make the other person feel?

Admit it. You like calling names too! It's a release!
This especially goes out to all of you married folks because you KNOW you have called your spouse many a choice word when you knew he or she wouldn't hear you!

Game Shows and Censoring, Can't Decide What I'm Talking About Here!

Has anyone else been watching this show on the Food Network, "Chopped"?

It has become one of my new faves. I love the gameshow element of it, "Who will make the most impressive meal? Who will come out on top?" Which is why I have also always loved the Iron Chef shows. I especially liked Iron Chef back in the day. The Japanese show that the Food Network bought and dubbed over with English speakers. Think Kung-Fu Theatre in the kitchen!

Anyway, back on topic, Chopped. It's good. It has a panel of three judges, tasting the fares of 4 chefs. In round one, the chefs are to make an appetizer using all of the ingredients found in their baskets (everyone has the same ingredients). They can also use anything they find in the "pantry" to complete their dish. There are three rounds, Appetizer, Entree, and Dessert. A chef is Chopped each round leaving one Chef victorious, and the winner of $10,000. Oh, and in each round, the chefs have only 30 minutes to concoct, cook, and plate their dishes, and the ingredients in the baskets change with each round so there's no pre-planning. Just open up the basket and start cookin'!

It gets me excited seeing what ingredients they will have, and thinking "What would I do with those?" Course I'll think things like, "Oh, I'd make a Peanut Sauce with that, and pair it with a Fresh Mint Salad and Shrimp Puff..." Though, I can think it all I want, but I wouldn't know how to execute it to save my life,! And I sure as heck couldn't do it in 30 minutes! Whew, no way!

But, it gets me thinking. I pick out my favorite chef at the beginning, and if there were a way of betting on my pony, I would!

That's what I have always loved about game shows. You get involved. You pick a favorite. You talk to the TV telling him or her how stupid they made you look when they answered that way or chose that whatever. Doesn't he know that the capital of Norway is Oslo? Great....I put my bet on this one?!? Crap. Send my pony to the glue factory, he's worthless.

Game Shows are my kind of gambling. No money is exchanged, I get to show off how smart I am to all those who are in the room, usually just me. And if I decide I don't like my pony, well, I just pick a new one half way through. I can't associate myself with Nitwits now can I?

But, Chopped got me thinking about something I had wondered a while back....Where have Game Shows gone? We still have the Price is Right, I think. Though, I'll have to say, I saw it once when it was on prime time, and Drew Carey sucked! He is definitely no Bob Barker.

Back when I first started wondering, "Where have Game Shows gone?" CBS came out with Million Dollar password. I was psyched! Too cool! I loved that show growing up, Super Password, that is. But, now, no more Password. Maybe it's just on hiatus. But, what the crap? Am I the only one who still likes a good Game Show?

Wheel of Fortune is still going, so that must not be the case. But what about reviving The Match Game or The Joker's Wild or Tic-Tac Dough? With Game Show Host's whose names are Wink, Bert, Gene, and Bob. They wore suits and had classic "reporter" hair. And the celebrities on the shows could kind of get bawdy in their responses. It was funny! Their answers were just slightly risque. No one was ever over the line. They got just close enough to it to make it funny!

Seems like these days you have to worry about every word that comes out of your mouth. "Oops, shouldn'ta said that, gonna hear from this group on that one....oops, messed-up again, I might get fired for that." Great. Fine. Censor us to death. Now our kids are being pooh-poohed away from so much that it's like being rebellious to say "Butt!" or "Fart!" Just to let you know, these have been replaced with "bottom" and "pooting". (I guess tooting was even too crass.)

In fact, I was just corrected the other day by Griffin when I asked him to "push his butt up" because I needed to get his pants under it while he was seated on the couch. "Mom. It's called a bottom. You should say bottom." Great. It's a bottom. Super. Well, let's just get this straight right from the get-go. A butt is a butt, a bottom is a butt, a tush is a butt, a hiney is a butt, the gluteus-maximus is the butt muscle (mine is covered with a thick layer of fat, but I promise you the muscle is in some shrunken space below), buttocks, booty, etc. All of these are non-curse words we can use to refer to that area of the body. It's just now, someone has decided that the least offensive term is bottom, so let's all adopt that word, okay?!? Might as well just get rid of those other offensive ones.

I caught myself saying this improper, "butt" word in The Live Big class I teach, and I was seriously upset with myself. My internal thought was, "Carrie, you can't say that in church! These kids are gonna leave here saying 'butt', and when their parents ask them where they have learned this word, they're going to say, 'My Live Big teacher said it!'" Good Gracious! Lightning should have struck down from the heavens and zapped me flat!

But, I did it too. I chastised myself for saying butt, when it is a perfectly fine word. Sure, bottom might have been a more appropriate choice. But, it wasn't going to hurt any of those kids to hear the word butt.

I should throw in the fart word sometime during my next class and refer to "tee-tee" as pee! I'll be banished for sure!

I guess what I'm saying is that Game Shows of old made me feel appropriate. I wasn't some "looks nice on the outside but has the mouth of a trucker" sorta lady. Game Shows from times past made me feel like I was gambling when I wasn't. And Game Shows engaged me. Got me thinking.

I'm tired of having more appropriate words forced down my throat and I'm sick of feeling like conforming for the "greater good" is how I should live. I'd like to keep my uniqueness, please. God intended for me to be this way. He crafted only one like me, and I'm pretty sure it would be an abomination of His name to change.

So, if you hear me saying, "Who farted?" and, "No wait, first I gotta go pee." and, "There's no Butt Wipe in here, somebody bring me some please." Just leave me be. I know there are better, more appropriate words, but I like the ones I choose, and they're not hurting anyone.

By the way, seriously, "Who farted?"

Memories, But a Juke Box Away!

I was off this last week. Home with Griffin for his Spring Break. Dan called it my "stay-cation". I thought that was clever.

I had several tasks to complete, or should I say I still have several tasks to complete!

But it was nice, being home with Griffin. He liked it so much that he was practically in tears when he had to get up and go back to school today! I knew how he felt, but couldn't really sympathize, I had to stand firm on, "Sorry buddy, school is important, you have to go."

I stood firm while my thoughts said, "I don't want to go back to work with my house still a mess and feeling like my week at home was not a whole week! It couldn't have been! Someone stole my days!"

But, what good would that do? It is what it is, as they say. Monday came even though I tried wishing it away.

Griffin and I had a notable moment in the car last week. He was switching stations like he likes to do when we're driving. He is very much a ROCK and RAP sorta dude! Anything with a thump.....I can already feel the future, my bleeding ear drums!!!

As he's searching through stations he stops on a Classic Rock Station. Where I hear the beginning of Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. I say, "Oh, stay here Buddy. This is a GREAT song!"

Griffin: "No. I don't like this one."

Me: "No? Well, you just gotta keep listening.....it doesn't sound like a Rock song, but it gets there. It starts to rock towards the end."

time passes...

Griffin: "Nah. I don't like it. It doesn't rock."

Me: "I promise it will. You just gotta be patient."

seconds pass.....

Griffin: "I'm getting tired of waiting. Whens' it gonna rock?"

Me: "Buddy, you just gotta be patient. I promise it rocks! This is the kind of music your Dad and I grew up listening to. This is true Rock!"

the song starts to pick up, Griffin gets a little taste of the Rock that's coming....

Griffin: "Oh, Mom, it's starting to get better!"

He's bobbing his head, finding the beat of the song......but now we're almost home.

Griffin: "Mom. Do NOT turn off the car when we get home. I wanna keep listening to this!"

Oh, yes. Yes, son, you do. That is true Rock and Roll. Music that will ring in your head for years to come. And when it plays you will have all these memories float to the surface of where you were when......... and of who you were dancing with when it was playing at your 10th grade Sadie Hawkins....these are the memories of our youth. Gone from our every day lives until we turn on the radio, or pop in a CD, or better yet, put on an album!!

Music is an escape, a release, and a vacation away from it all.

That was one of the only moments I felt like I was truly on vacation while I was home. So glad I got to share it with Griffin.

Another Busy Weekend!

A weekend list of To-Do's:

Buy the kids matching outfits for Saturday's pictures ***check***

Give the boys haircuts ***check***

Bake two cakes for Wyatt's Birthday ***check***

Throw something in Crock-pot for Saturday lunch ***check***

Welcome-in Mom and Step-Dad for the weekend ***check***

Head-out to Photography Studio for Spring pics/Wyatt's One Year Portrait ***check***

Three hours later, Eat Crockpot lunch and prepare for dinner ***check***

Cook dinner kids will eat that isn't chicken nuggets ***check***

Serve Cake/Take Pictures in Celebration of Wyatt's Birthday ***check***

Clean-Up after Cake explosion ***check***

Drink wine to cure aching body ***check, hiccup, check-chicketty-check 1,2***

Wake to Snowy-Wonderland and spend Hours looking for Griffin's gloves, only to come-up with them after he has declared, "it's too cold out there!" ***check***

Convince Husband and Parents that re-arranging the Boys' bedrooms is a very good idea for a snowy Sunday morning ***check***

Spend the rest of the day Cleaning, Organizing, and Trashing all of their junk, oops, so sorry, what I meant say was "precious, and beloved belongings." ***check***

Stand back and look with pride on the new spaces we've created ***check***

Somehow fit into the weekend washing, drying, and folding 5 loads of laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming, along with other household duties ***check***

And here are the photos that illustrate our productive weekend. (oh, and I threw in the picture of Wyatt crawling in the hallway to show another thing that we are working on in our house, replacing the flooring in the hall, entry, and livingroom.... this is on top of the bathroom project that is still in full-swing and the other upgrades we have recently made to the house....lots of work but very rewarding!!!)