Not Lazy....Efficient!

My friends, of more than two kids, and I like to say that we are "laid-back" parents. We joke about how one of our kids can fall off a two foot drop and as long as there was grass where they fell or something semi-soft, we'll just yell from where we stand, "You okay Buddy?"

There's no stop what you are doing to run out and see if they are okay. Nope, just a, "Brush it off. You're okay. That was a bad one, huh? Well, go get me a band-aid....and try not to bleed on the living room carpet."
Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration.....we no longer have carpet in our living room.

But, anyway, my point is this, once you have more kids than equals you plus your husband....or husband plus wife, which for most of us is two, unless you are one of those Pluralists, then, well, who knows, you might have to have 6 kids in order to gain more kids than you have wives, so if you are a Pluralist and you are reading this, I hope you're grateful that I included you in my equation. Back to the subject...once you have more kids than you are in sum total, in our case 2, then things that used to send you into a tizzy start to become less and less important, and sanity, enjoying the moment no matter how crazy and chaotic the environment is around you, start to win out.

I think before I had three kids I used to call this lazy. Yep, you heard it. Before I had three kids, if you were the type of parents who were like, "Hey, you, kid I can't remember the name of, get in here and eat your dinner." I would probably have thought, You know, they should really have approached the child. Putting yourself in their immediate space gets the child to do what is being asked, not yelling from another room. Gah! The audacity! Don't they watch SuperNanny? Get down to their level! That's what SuperNanny says!

Oh, I was a much better Mom before I had children, wasn't I?!

Now, you will find me on any given day yelling from the kitchen into the living room, "Hey, go get your shoes on like I asked you to 5 minutes ago, or I am going to hot glue them to your feet so you can't ever take them off!"
"What? You can't find them? Even more reason for the hot glue gun. Do you really need me to go down that road with you, son? Really, really? How 'bout getting off the couch and actually looking! Only then, will I maybe start helping you.....Can't find 'em? Well, when you don't actually lift yourself off of the couch how could you? Get up and look!" And, might I mention this is all done while not even actually seeing my son! I just KNOW what he is or isn't up to....mother's intuition, priceless!

Yelling through walls, this is how we of out-numbered status get things done. I cannot go with my son, holding his hand and stroking his ego so as not to stunt him emotionally, every time he needs to find his shoes. Can't do it. Not enough time in the day. Not enough of ME to go around. Sorry son, consider this an early lesson in independence.

But, as I have come to realize, this method for parenting is actually the better parenting method. Okay so I'm biased because it's how I roll, and if you disagree, well, start writing your own blog and maybe I will be a changed woman, maybe, probably not, but maybe.... The reason I say that my method is the better method of parenting is because it teaches children to self soothe. It teaches them to say to themselves, "Is this something I really should sit here and cry over or would that just be wasting my precious play time?" and "Mom doesn't drive herself batty trying to meet all my demands. She is here for me, but she's never going to do everything for me. Even though I beg!"

I call this being a non-s'mother'er. I mother, not smother. It may seem less loving to you, but I don't see it that way. I am so super limited on what I can do and how much time I can give to it, that I have to prioritize. Though, this does not mean that I always choose with precision, as my husband will attest. For example, I may start another load of laundry, while he is waiting in the air-doesn't-move attic on a smoldering hot day for me to help put stuff up and away, "Honey, I was waiting. Did you really have to get that laundry started this very second or could you have waited 5 minutes?"
"Ummmm, in my head, yes, yes, I really did. But, now I see what you mean....Ooops, Sorry! Need a block of ice?"

Yeah, so sometimes I mess up, well sue me, I'm human.

In being a non-s'mother'er with a laid-back parenting style, you can be mis-read. People will think you are lazy and uncaring. You don't jump to get your child what they need, you tell them where it is and how to get it....man, sooooo lazy!
You won't sign your kid up for every flavor of the week activity your child thinks he is going to just love doing, "Oh please, please, please! I always wanted to learn about bee-keeping! Please!"
"Not this time Sweetie, we need to see how this school year goes first, then we can start adding in activities, if our schedules will allow it. And I know, I know....I'm soooo MEEEEAN!!!"

When you parent in a laid-back sort of way, and allow your children to do for themselves, you really are teaching them to care for themselves.
You are saying to them, Mom's independence is necessary for this family to run smoothly, because if I am not sane, you won't have even half the things you have now.
You are saying to them, your independence is necessary. If you rely on me for all your "needs" then how will you ever grow in esteem for yourself?

I was raised in a large blended family. I felt many times that I was treated unfairly, and "If they really loved me they would let me..." But, what I now see is that family was always the center of importance in my rearing. Not me, but the family. Parents who made me do things for myself were not "lazy" but simply, great leaders and teachers who taught me esteem while making me do for myself. And generosity when asking me to take part in chores and family tasks.

Yeah, I'll take one of those "lazy" parents who allows their kids moments of independence and healthy risk opportunities, over a smother'er any day! Any other takers?