Jerk-Off, ahhh, that felt good!

I like to call names. I admit it. Sometimes I just like to call a Jerk a Jerk. Or a PooPooHead a PooPooHead.

I find myself in the car, quite often, telling the "Dude" in front of me to "C'mon! Watch the frickin' road", and "What the @$&%$&+$ Do you think you are doing!!!! Can't you see I am in this lane already!?!?" And I make up all sorts of names for these guys and gals. Nothing new here, just a lot of oldies-but-goodies, like:
Dillweed
Jerk-Off
A-Hole
Freakin' Moron
Douche Bag
and the list goes on.....

But, as I said, I sort of like this. Does that make me weird? That I sorta like calling people names but not to their face, only while in my car. It's only to the back of the head of said person in front of me while I am in my mobile transporting vessel hurtling down the road at 60 miles an hour. "Who the heck taught you to drive, Dumb-A&^!!"

And it's not road rage. I know that's what you're thinking. Because see, I would never get up next to the person and call him/her any of these names I call them behind their back, nope, I like to just call them names and then forget. Just drive past them and not give them a second glance. Not necessary, I called you all the names I needed to while you were in front of me. Now that I am leaving you behind, I have nothing to say but, "ARRIVEDERCI!!"

It's wonderful, actually. Name calling. It helps you to articulate your disdain for the person. Gives your mind a way to escape, makes me laugh fitfully sometimes. Yes, that's me the crazy lady in the car behind you with the vein bulging out of her head, throwing her hands in the air, and then laughing hysterically. That's me!

Another thing I catch myself doing while driving, and let me just say that the name calling is only done while I am alone in the car....okay, is almost always only done while I am alone in the car. And curse words are not used if the kids are in the car with me....okay, only mild curse words are used while the kids are in the car, and this doesn't happen very often.....a very honest admission, I must say.....but I digress. I catch myself making sound effects for these pitiful cars driving down the road, too.

I make sounds like Speed Buggy, "Room a zoom-zoom, Plurp-plurp-phhlrpphllrp Let's get it goin' here Buddy! Got a little water in your tank? When was the last time you checked your oil???! Sheesh, smokin like a barbecue grill on game day!!! Get a tune up, already!!"
And this will make me laugh too. I just kill myself sometimes! Who IS this lady making these noises and talkin all this smack? Huh?!

I guess I like this freedom because it doesn't hurt anyone. Anyone who knows me, knows I would hate to hurt someone's feelings. I am always trying to find the best way to say something because I really think it matters, how you approach subjects and how the person is left feeling. These things matter to me. But, not when I'm in the car. I could care less if you were a van-load full of nuns, if you are in the fast lane going 45 I am going to call you a whole slew of names until you get out of my way, and stop holding up the flow of traffic.

Weird. I guess I am a little weird. But a good driver.....just a mouthy one!

So what about you? Do you catch yourself saying things out loud in certain places, places you feel safe. And saying things you would never normally say because how would that make the other person feel?

Admit it. You like calling names too! It's a release!
This especially goes out to all of you married folks because you KNOW you have called your spouse many a choice word when you knew he or she wouldn't hear you!