Good Things!

Someone said to me the other day that "People seem to take for granted that we are 'living the blessing'!" And I thought, "Wow! How true!"

So, the challenge to myself, then, was to come up with some things I think are good things and continue, each day, to make a conscious effort to recognize at least one or two of these blessings. So, here's my list so far:

1) Invisible Deodorant! Invisible, meaning, It won't show up on my shirt after I pull it over my head! Wow! I love that!

2) Coffee. Oh, no morning is quite as good without a nice cup of joe!

3) Clothing. Because without it, we'd all be walking around naked, and I can't tell you how uncomfortable that would make me!!

4) Email. It's such a cool way to stay connected with people! In this world, where a lot of us seem to end up miles away from home, email is such an awesome way to keep in touch!

5) Disposable Diapers! Hate that they're not environmentally friendly, but love that I do not have to rubber-pant my kid and wash poopy diapers out in the toilet! Man, you women who have walked down the cloth diaper road, high-five! Seriously! That's some awesome turn-off of the gag-reflex that you must have!!!

6) The Jumperoo and ExerSaucer. Monumental achievement here Fisher-Price and Evenflo! Entertainment for the wee ones! YAY! Mommy's arms finally got a rest!

7) Grilled Hamburgers, or if you prefer, Cheeseburgers, or if you prefer Veggie-Burgers. Something about a bun, a piece of protein, lettuce, tomato, pickles, etc, etc. Just nothing like it on the planet! That's good eatin'!

8) Cheese Curds. Oh Daddy, I know you're with me on this one!?! So fresh they "squeak" when you bite in, nothing better ('cept, maybe FRIED CHEESE CURDS, oh, yeah, yum, yum, yum!!)

9) Pictures. They make you laugh, they make you cry, they remind you of a place and time, and without them, we'd never have seen Britney Spears' bits. And we all know how important that was!!!

10) Lip Balm. Oh, lips are dry, cracking, hurting like the dickens, what do you search through your purse for? Lip-Balm. Whether it be Chap-Stick, Blistex, Lip Smackers, or Burt's Bees, nothing else will do. Lip-Balm is miraculous! And tasty, too! (ha that rhymed!)

Take a minute, here folks, to think of all of the Good Things in your life, and tell me about them! I could have gotten sappy with this because for sure, my husband, and kids, and friends are good things. But, I felt like this was a fun way of paying homage to the things that make life simpler and more enjoyable. It's a wonderful world we live in, chock-full of amenities some people would kill to have at their fingertips! So tell me about Your favorites!!!

Sweet Baby Boys

Thought I would lighten things up for everyone a bit.

This morning I had to run to the store for diapers. Grant was just about out of them at the babysitter's and I didn't have a chance to get there last night.

So, it was up at 3:45am with Wy Wy who was screaming bloody murder! Seriously folks. I am not kidding! You have never heard anything like what he has taken to doing recently. He screams with such intensity I think he will surely vomit from the forceful abdominal thrusts he must be exercising! It is ridiculous! In fact, the other night, my neighbor Leanne was over and heard him crying like that and said, "Holy Crap. That was Wyatt?!? He's so upset! You'd think someone was in their cutting off one of his limbs!!" See what I'm sayin' now? Yeah, it's bad! Dan and I thought that by the third kid we would have nerves of steel, but this scream that he does is enough to make an LAX Air-Traffic Controller crack! It's un-nerving!!!

Well, Wy Wy was screaming, Dan alerted me to the rant. I mean I must have been really tired if I didn't hear him and Dan did! I think this might be a sign of the Apocalypse! So, I walk briskly to the kitchen where I open the fridge to find the bottle I had made before going to sleep only had 3 ounces in it. Um, yeah, thanks for feeding him Honey, before you came to bed, but next time leave the bottle full! We've got a child who is losing a limb here!

Anyway, so, off to the microwave to heat that bit up (Sorry if some of you parents out there think heating the bottle up in the microwave is bad. You can send me all the hate mail you want. I will still proceed with business as usual because when it's 3:45 in the morning I see the microwave as God's little miracle for mothers of newborns!) Then it's on with the faucet, and you know what running water does to a person who has birthed three children? So, then, it's a sprint to the bathroom. All while little Wy Wy is thinking, "Why does no one care for my pain?!? Evil, Evil Woman" Then, it's back to the microwave, over to the faucet, three scoops into the bottle, or maybe it was 4 or 5 or geez, really who can count at 3 in the morning?! Then, a dash to baby Wy Wy, bottle in tow, or maybe we should call it a silencer?!?! And, finally, relief for Wy Wy, relief for Mommy, relief for Mommy's itsy-bitsy bladder, oh, we were just all so relieved!

Well, I thought hard about feeding Wy Wy, and just staying awake til he was settled back down. Then, getting ready for work, and off to the store for diapers. And that's the last thought I had before I woke up to my alarm blaring in the bedroom. Well, that plan didn't work.

So, it's now 5:40am, and I must leave the house in an hour or less, or more, depending on if I drive like Mario Andretti, or like a peaceful, law-abiding inhabitant of the road. Ahh, isn't this nice, I'm in no hurry. Uh, yeah, fat chance! Outta my way Grandma! I have somewhere to be!!!

That means a quick brush of the teeth, I did brush them, didn't I?! A quick bathing of the necessaries (Okay, ladies, tell me when did this become part of your routine? Have you or do you always take a shower every morning? I used to. I had to. My hair was like a greasy oil slick if I didn't, but I guess, with age, my skin and scalp have dried, so I only have to wash my hair every other day. Lucky for me, since the clock is always ticking!) So, with a change of clothes, a splash of water, a finger comb of the hair, a quick check to make sure everyone was still sleeping, I was out the door. At 5:49, might I add?!?!?

Walmart is so close to my house I can drive there, park, walk to the back of the store for the diapers, check out, walk back to the van (yes, mini-van! For all of you who did not know, Dan and I bought a mini-van a year ago, and have become card-carrying members of the Kid-Schlepping Gang! We're proud of it, too, err, at least I am, Dan has still not totally come to terms with it. There-there Honey, it'll be all right. Want me to get you a new drill, a Playboy, a cigar, Hmm? Will that bring the masculinity back?!) Then, it's a somewhat leisurely drive home hitting the door in under 20 minutes!

Man, that's the best! I cannot even imagine what it must have been like for my Mom who would have to drive, what, 30 minutes or more, just to get to the grocery store from our rural farm!??!! And it wasn't even a Walmart, it was a Super Value grocery store! Yeah, if she needed nails to bulk up the barricaded doors of our rooms, she'd have to drive on down to the Tru-Value, another few minutes away. I jest Mother, everyone knows you didn't board up our doors! Just the windows, it was locks on the doors! Ha, just kidding!

When I got to our front door, I quietly crept in and listened first to make sure I could still only hear the melodic hums of deep slumbering children, and Dan's more pudding snorting sounds, and determined all was well. I had made it to the store and back with nary a change in sight. Victory!

I rounded the corner to look down at the sofa and make sure Wy Wy was still snoozing peacefully, and took a second to focus my eyes.
Grant, Grant was on the sofa?!?
Yes, that's your middle son.
How did he get there?
I'm sure he walked. As Griffin would say, "DUH!"
When did he get there?!
It would have had to have been while you were gone. Again, a big Griffin, "DUH!!"
Okay, well, where's Wy Wy???!

It took me a second, but my heart eased when I saw Wy Wy tucked partially under the back cushion of the couch, sandwiched between this fluffy border and the monstrosity we call Grant. Sleeping soundly, from what I could see, even with a giant toddler squishing him into the depths of the couch.

And, I thought to myself, Wow, how beautiful! Grant loves his brother! He came out here, obviously looking for me, found not me, but his baby brother, and decided to lay down with him and steadfastly wait for the return of MaaaaaMaa!! Then, I thought, So I wonder how long Grant was lying on top of Wy Wy before he started screaming his limb-losing scream?! But, no, really, I think Grant must have just gingerly gotten up onto the couch, easing himself near his sweet baby Wy Wy, and lay there feeling proud of his role as big brother.

Yes, this scene was truly a sweet, smile-invoking sight. Especially appreciated by a sleep-deprived, memory-losing, over-loaded Mommy. These moments in my life are what make it all worth it!

Opening Your Heart to People “Unlike” You

I wrote this next post for our company's Christian Newsletter. A friend of mine is in charge of putting it together and said to me this morning that no one had responded to him with articles for it. So, I told him I would write something for him if he wanted, but I wasn't sure if he would think it was good enough or pertinent enough to work-life to put it in. I'll let you know what he says. But, in the meantime, I thought I'd share with you what I wrote.

Opening Your Heart to People "Unlike" You
And, by saying, unlike, I don’t mean a different color or sex or socio-economic background. Though, those all could be true, but whom I am speaking of, are the ‘non-joiners’.

Non-joiners are people like you and I. People who are mothers and fathers, dedicated workers, and good “keep their yards mowed” neighbors, who are most likely, non-weekly church-goers, probably un-involved community participants, and just generally, good at being non-joiners!

Non-joiners are seeking guidance, but keep getting the same answers from the same sources, and are wondering who else they can to turn to? They usually feel they’re doing what is meant for them by keeping their nose to the grind-stone, being kind to others, letting life happenings dictate their moves, and, most uniformly, living without purpose. I can say this. I was one of them!

Life was a series of have-to’s, and doing what was expected of me, and, for sure, doing what people would perceive as good deeds, ie, “I’m a good person”. But, fulfillment was not there. True happiness was a thing of fairy tales. Doing what God had intended for me, was what I was doing, right?!? This kind of “living” was my purpose, right?!? Then why did I have a great big hole in my heart?

Well, here’s my story. Here’s how the people around me brought me back to God, and back to being a disciple of his word.

Our neighbors had lived on our block for longer than we had. They were people we saw when we moved in, and people we’d occasionally throw a wave to when passing on the street. But, we definitely did not know them or anything about them.

Within the first year of our moving in, I could see that they had just had a baby, baby balloons were tied to their mailbox. But, even though I knew it would be nice to knock on their door and present them with a casserole, I never did. I never went to wish them well, holding the casserole saying, “I know how hard having kids is, let me do this little bit that I can for you.”

No, that would have been the right thing, but I didn’t know them, I only lived on the same street. Good deeds were done for people you knew. Instead, I felt it was definitely best to just wish them well from a distance. Because what if they wanted more from me by putting myself out-there like that! No, they didn’t bring us a casserole when we moved-in so no one would expect for me to do anything for them! Good one less thing to worry about.

Well, it was three years later before we even started uttering words to each other. Three years later before we even stopped and spoke to each other when passing on the street. Three years later and so many missed opportunities, later, before we ever got to know each other. And, even then, it was no deep relationship it was more of an awkward, “Oh, Kyle looks so cute in that outfit.” And, “How old was Griffin when you took his training wheels off?” But, the relationship was building and these did seem like nice people.

On Sundays, I’d see them leave, obviously they were going to church, and I’d wonder, “Hmm, where do they go to church?”

One day, more than a year later, I got up the courage to ask the neighbor’s daughter where they went to church. She told me, and I thought, “Funny. That’s the church that Dan said he’d like for us to try going to sometime.” But, me, I was too set in my thinking and the way I grew up, to go too far outside of my religion. Though, I had to admit, these were good folks who seemed to live by the same principles and codes that we lived by. Which got me thinking, was I happy with any of the church visits we had made so far? No, I wasn't. I hadn’t felt comfortable enough anywhere, to feel like joining the congregation. Of course, this could also be attributed to the fact that I was a Non-Joiner. Nowhere felt like somewhere I should join! That would be going against who I was, ever the non-joiner! But, this day was different and I guess I was getting tired of this non-joining stuff.

I heard myself saying to her, “Hey, we’d like to go to that church sometime. Could we maybe go with you all some Sunday?” And, she said, “Oh, sure! Yeah, I’m just sure my Mom and Dad would be happy to have you all come with us!” And, so, my fate was sealed.

I’m not sure if it was that day, or if it was the next or when exactly. But, my neighbor lady came down to our house, and said, “Hey, I hear you may want to come to church with us some Sunday?” Now, I was hooked into going. I was definitely apprehensive, this was going way outside my comfort-zone, and being the non-joiner I had been all of my adult life, this was big, huge, for me! I was scared.

I said, “Yeah, we would. I’m not sure what we have going on. I’ll have to check with Dan (this was my way of prolonging the joining), but I will let you know.”

Now, the rest of how this all occurred, is sort of a blur to me. We went with them one Sunday. We enjoyed it. There was a Live BIG (Believing In God) class for Griffin, and a Nursery with paid, background-checked workers for Grant, this is a great relief to a parent who doesn’t like leaving her kids with people she doesn’t know, and we found we really liked the pastor and the congregation. For weeks, our neighbors would ask us if we wanted to go to Sunday School with them after Service, but we declined every time. I’m sure it was me more than Dan who shied away from going, I was the non-joiner, you know. But, one Sunday, months after we first visited, I said to Dan, “Maybe we should stay for Sunday School?” I was getting better at this joining stuff!! And, he agreed. So, we went along.

There we found a group of people much like us. People who were striving to be better individuals. People who too, were trying to find a better way to balance family, work, life, community service, etc. and all of a sudden, this Non-Joining Mom, was feeling apart of something. Something bigger than her, something bigger than the Sunday School class, something bigger than the whole church congregation. I was feeling apart of the world God had set in front of me. The world that lives outside my door that was waiting for me to come out and LIVE in it! Things started really changing for me from then on.

There was this financial class that my husband and I decided to sign up for. He had been trying to get me involved in our finances for years, but my excuse had always been, “You want me to add one more thing to my already heavily loaded plate!?!?!” But, now, things were different. I felt apart of something greater. Something was telling me that this class was going to be the mortar and bricks we needed to start re-building the collapsed bridge my husband and I were living with in our marriage. He on one side believing things should be done in this manner, and, I, on the other, believing it was his load to bear, “Just tell me what I should spend and I’ll do that. I don’t want to be involved in any of the rest.”

Well, joining that class completely changed my view-point. Dan and I are now joined together in a financial plan, and the bridge has not only been made whole again, but the distance between the two ends is much, much closer.

One of the other by-products of that class was my renewed love of learning. The leader of the class teaches that educating yourself in your adult life, is just as important now, as it was when you were a growing adolescent. He believes that God wishes for us to live free of debt that binds us to living some one else’s existence, and to live in a state of constant curiosity. Growing daily by reading and watching and realizing that the world is ENORMOUS and we are but tiny participants in it. So, in order to have the sort of impact we wish, we need to remember that working in our strengths, striving towards excellence in everything we do, and being constant pupils of the world we live in is a huge part of what being a disciple of God means.

And, you know what these principles have taught me? That in order to be the person I want to be, that God intends for me to be, I have to learn that Join isn’t a four-letter word well it is, but you know what I mean. It’s a way to a life of wealth, far beyond earthly riches and far beyond social status. The wealth I am building by joining is a soul satisfying wealth that no person could ever fulfill for me. I have to go out and seek it and strive for it and find more opportunities to build it because being wealthy in soul feels fantastic! I’m living the life God intended! And it all started with a tepid question asked to a little girl, a warm-inviting welcome to join, and a long over-due step outside my comfort zone.

So, life has really turned around for me. If you know me at all, and felt I was happy before, I encourage you to meet me now, and see just how much I have grown!
This year, Dan and I will be working diligently towards being debt-free. We will be leading the financial class we took, at our own church. I have committed, every other month, to lead the Live BIG class for the 4-6 year olds. And, as a couple, we are working so hard at putting each others feelings and wishes at the tip top of our priority list. Marriage, for those of us who are, is the foundation for the rest of our lives. I believe that without a strong relationship we are just two people on a wandering boat bailing water every time life pops another hole in our vessel. So, spending time together, listening, sharing, and working towards satisfying each other’s needs is the only way of making sure we stay on course in a boat that is solid through and through. And, lastly, this year we are looking so forward to becoming ever-more involved in our congregation and community.

This transformation all started with a neighborly invite to a church with people I sort of knew, but liked, no matter how unlike their religion was to the one I grew up with. And, with an open-heart and mind, realizing that joining was the key to the life of fulfillment I’d been praying for.

I pray this story has affected you enough to search within yourself to either join in something you have been putting off because of your own notion that you won’t “fit in”, or that it inspires you to bring someone “unlike” yourself a casserole or a warm wish or an invite to something you’re involved in. These communities we live in: work, home, church, can never grow rich in God’s light, if we do not extend it to the one’s we inhabit them with.

If You're Reading This, I Know You Like ME!

So, Independence Day has come and gone. Was it good for you? Did you see a spectacular display of Fireworks?? Was a good time had by all?

Well, ours was a pretty gosh-darn good time! I'll have to admit. In fact, the 4th of July might be my favorite of all holidays! It's probably because I've determined that parties at "our house" rock! It's true, I promise, they do!

When I was younger, the 4th of July was the predetermined "our house" holiday. It was the one time a year that everyone knew to congregate at "our house" for food, laughs, family, food, friends, drinks, food, laughs, more drinks, food, you get the picture.

It was the one holiday a year I looked forward to more than any other! All of the family came to "our house." We didn't have to go anywhere, and thus, didn't have to trek back from anywhere. Which, when living on a farm in Nowhere's-ville, IA could take an eternity. Er, well, at least it seemed like an eternity to me, a non-driving youngster! Are we HOME yet?!? So, it was always too exciting to have everyone come to "our house" for a celebration! It just gave me a great sense of pride to have people over because everyone always had a great time at "our house"! And, I know this can be attributed to my Mom and Step-Dad's great entertaining skills (and alcohol, but mostly, their entertaining skills).

Now, as an adult, it was my turn to have the party at "our house". And the "our house" parties, are pretty big shoes to fill, too, because "our house" parties were always talked about for months and even years afterwards! But, I was up for the challenge!

First up, food. Dan smoked two turkeys and I baked one, Caribbean Jerk Style, I know, just call me Martha! The rest of the buffet was provided by the guests. And some wonderful cooks were among us!!!
Next up, guest list. Since all of our family lives hours away we could only invite our friends and neighbors. Which was a bit sad for me, being that the 4th was always a gathering of family. But, our friends and neighbors have really become our pseudo-family, complete with dysfunction and all! Ahh, just like family! They're great!
Lastly, let's talk drinks. Our friend Mark, in his infinite wisdom, contributed blended drinks for all partaking. Yeah, Mark kicked the party up a notch! And, thank you Mark for that! All that was missing was the tiny umbrella, and the white beach sand, well, and the weather. I hear the Bahamas is more of an arid sort of climate and not air so thick with humidity you have to wear a snorkel to breathe in it! But, hey, we can only control so much (I know, it bugs the heck out of me too! Power, Control, give me more, more, more!)And, so, the guests galore gathered at "our house" for the fun-festival, and no one left disappointed! We definitely succeeded in meeting the "our house" party standards! Oh Mom would be so proud!

But, before the festivities could begin, we had to start getting things prepared. That's when I let Griffin in on the day's itinerary. When he heard people were coming over, his face lit-up like a Roman Candle! Like myself all those years ago, he was sooo excited that people were coming to "our house" for a party.

Griffin: "Oh Mom, everyone's coming to OUR house?!?! Whoa. That's so cool! Matthew and I are going to play knights and we're going to watch movies, and oh, man, when is everyone coming? When are the people coming to OUR house?!"

Me: "This afternoon, Honey. Everyone's coming this afternoon. That's not too far from now. And it will be fun! There'll be a bunch of kids here for you to play with, Matthew and Alex, too. And, listen Griffin, I need you to be good and nice to everyone just like I know you can. All the kids are going to want to play with your stuff and you're going to have to share, okay?!"

Griffin: "Oh, I will Mom. I will. They're all going to want to play with my cool stuff, and I'll make sure I share with them. When are they coming? Oh, I'm sooooo EXCITED!"

And, you know, I remember feeling that same way when we were having the 4th of July party at "our house" every year, too. I just could not wait til everyone got there! I could not wait to show them all of my stuff (which I am sure did not thrill my cousins, then, nor did it thrill Griffin's buddies, now.) But, there's just something so grand about having people over to your house when you're a kid! I mean, I really like it now, but I could barely contain my excitement when I was a kid!

I think it's the notion that if people are coming to your house, then that means people like you! They want to be with YOU! Ego swelling, I love this feeling! People like me! They really do!!!

I'm sure this is why, as an adult, I love to entertain and cook. It's just another way of getting a boost of self esteem. When people come over to a social event at your house that means they like you, thus you have friends and thus, you are not a total social misfit!

And you know what, I think that's a running theme throughout my life. I have always wanted to be liked. I've always coveted people remarking that I was cool or funny or pretty or not a total social pariah! And, of course, who wouldn't appreciate those sorts of comments?! Who, really, doesn't want to be liked?!

My husband is always saying stuff like, "You know I don't care what people think." But, is that really true? Doesn't he? Doesn't he care if people want to hang out with him? Doesn't he care if people think he's cool? Doesn't it make him feel great when people are excited at the idea of coming over to his house to hang because they know they'll have a good time?

I think he does. I think we all do. Whether we say it out loud or not, we all want to be liked! It's innate. From the beginning of time we've lived this way. With this hope that people will like us. We seek approval from our peers, and hope to God we'll be accepted!

I know this has always been something I've worried about for my own children. I feel sorry for children who's parents name them what I deem as weird, or crazy names. I wonder, "Why? Why make life harder for them? Don't you know how hard it will be to make friends and have a girlfriend?" Never do I think, "Oh that's just hard to pronounce, but a good name" or "That's admirable, naming your child something that means something to you." Nope, I think, "Man, that kid will be teased! How horrible to do something to your child that will set them apart from the beginning! Wouldn't it have been better for your child if you had just named him something that was more 'normal'?"

But, I guess my wish for normalcy and acceptance of my children is just my need for approval shining through. But, it's part of who I am. It's why I like having get-togethers. People come, they have a good time, and they enjoy the company....ME! It's why I cook a lot. People like my cooking, they give me great kudos for it! They ask for the recipe...MY recipe! And it's why I continue to write this Blog! People say that they like my writing. They like what I have to say, ie, they like ME! Oh yay! More accolades! I know, just gluttonous, aren't I?!?

But, this does not shame me. I'll have to say. It does not shame me to do things knowing, or thinking at least, that people will give me positive feedback for it. I like getting positive feedback! I admit it!

Here's something to think about. Merriam-Webster defines a compliment as an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration, and please, you cannot tell me that doesn't sound swell to you, too?!?

So, here's what I'm leaving you with. Doing things you know you are good at, sharing them with others, and doing them with the underlying hope that they will give you compliments for what you have done, is not a bad thing. Because in throwing your gifts out there upon the world, you are giving people reasons to admire and respect the world around them. You're helping them gain a positive feeling about the world they live and work in. You're saying to the world, "Hey, I'm good at this, don't you think so?!" And, really, what's so bad about that?

Toy Town No More!

The toys are gone. Well, most of them anyway. I went through the boys’ toys this weekend, and pared down to a mere fraction of what they used to have!

Griffin now has only his dress-up trunk, his back-pack with action figures, his small bin of hot wheels cars, and a couple of larger toys. He still has all of his movies, and all of his games, but the rest is gone! I actually cleaned out so much, that a whole toy storage rack is empty and ready to be sold, sold, sold!!!

Grant has only his Little People guys (nicely stored in a clear plastic container), a music playing thing (that he loves), and his puzzles.

Wyatt’s got some hand-me-down toys. A this and a that. Nothing earth-shattering’ly cool, but, you know what, he doesn’t know that!

And it’s true what the people on those clean-up your house shows say, “Once the clutter is gone, you’ll feel a sense of freedom.” Oh, yes, how true it is!

In fact, I like the way my house is so much that I am writing this post to ask you all to do this for me, “Never buy my kids another toy ever again!”

I can’t handle the stress that comes along with the toys, especially if it has pieces. “Mom!!!! Do you know where the helmet is to this guy? I just had it and then Grant came into the room and messed everything up, and now I can’t find it! Help me find it!”

Yeah, I’m looking to eliminate or, at least, phase-out that sort of stop everything you’re doing and help me find this very important, I mean-highly, extremely important helmet! Yeah, if that all went away, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings one bit!

Of course, I’ll still have to search high and low to help find some things, but, with the toy population down to a scant few, I think I’ve cut the search time by at least half, and the possibility of having to search, by at least a significant 30% or so.

Oh, bliss, peace, lungs that can breathe deeply! Oh, feeling of elation, please do not ever go away! I love this new outlook on time spent playing in the house on rainy days! It’s no longer a reason to spiral into depression. No, now, that the toys are fewer I may even ASK the boys to play inside! What a change!

So, I’m letting it be known, that if you buy my kids toys I have every right to put your phone number on every “I’d like more information” form I can find, and I’ll send every soliciting Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, and Door-to Door Vacuum Salesman your way. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll have a port-a-john sent to your house, one that's just been removed from a three-day concert venue! So, do it, I dare you, and let the games begin!!!