Friends

Friends....do you ever wonder how you became friends with someone...who initiated the contact, why you were "attracted" to this individual or was it just through circumstances that a friendship ensued.
Friends are so much different than family. As the saying goes, "You can't choose family". Which doesn't mean you can't be friends with your family members. In fact, two of my closest girlfriends are my cousins. Thick and thin, we've been through it all, and I would not be the same person without them. Love you Cori and Molly!

I was reminded of how great it is to have "old friends" when my sister in law posted on her Facebook status that she had just gone to dinner with one of her oldest and dearest friends. It got me thinking. Old friends are such a treasure. Someone who has shared the stories of your life...the good, the bad...the ugly (me from about age 9 to maybe 17...Can we say HUMONGOUS glasses, TINY nose!) Now, as I sit back and look at old pictures, I laugh. I'm no longer that self-esteem lacking, attention craving, talks a mile a minute (okay maybe I still have a touch of this one) girl. But, weren't we all something we're not, today? I mean, we can't be the Varsity Football Team Captain forever. Our lives evolve. Some friendships last and others fade away. New friendships develop and some dissolve. Sometimes friendships even renew!
But one thing that is constant is our need for friends. Our need to find and align ourselves with people we "see ourselves" in. How lucky I feel to have cast out my seeds only to have, now, a garden full of friends. Blessed and Graced I am.

To me the most interesting of all these types of friendships is new friends. New friends are an end result of all the years of work and support you have had from your "old friends" and family. Whom you end up aligning yourself with in the "now" is a direct result of whom you aligned yourself with previously.
I had a friend tell me one time, this was a friend of many years, a best friend, that she could no longer be my friend. She was battling a lot of things, but the biggest was her propensity for following and getting herself into trouble and vowing her loyalty to the wrong kind of people. These "friends" she had made while I had moved away were dragging her down into the gutter and because of her need for approval, she loyally followed them. The counselor she was seeing told her she needed to set her friendship standards higher and start finding friends she wished she could be more like, not friends she thought she was like. Obviously, this advice did not take into account the possibility of my friend having one friend who wasn't a bad influence. But, I get it. And that WAS excellent advice.
Sometimes your life needs a shake up! Turn it on it's head and say, "I'm not willing to do this any more! I deserve better!"
I still mourn the loss of that friendship...but what I don't think I realized til now, was that in losing that friend, I had to move-on and grow myself...in ways I might not have had we continued in our friendship.

That loss forced me to really go out and try to connect with others. I, too, needed to find friends I wanted to be like, and maybe stop trying to find people I already thought I was like. I had a lifelong friendship vanish....but my life wasn't over.
I guess I did exactly what she did...I started anew. And it has been good for me, GREAT for me actually! I still have friendships from the past, those will stay near and dear to my heart for as long as blood pumps through my veins. But, now I know that I can venture out of my comfort zone and into new realms, realms that I previously felt I was unworthy of entering. "I'm not that kind of person", "I'm really not knowledgeable enough to join that group", "I'm soooo not what they REALLY want in a member", etc.
Now, now, I see that I am. We all are. Friendships start with a warm smile and a heart-felt "Hello!" With giving and expecting nothing in return....with sharing and accepting that your story is a part of who you are and what amazing lives we have all lived! New friends are a product of all those old relationships, good and bad. New friends are abundant, you just have to accept that you deserve them and the doors will open!