What's Been Goin' On?

So, I know I haven't posted in a while....and I have heard from folks that y'all have been wondering where I have been. I sort of fell off the planet a bit....you're right.

I am going to get pictures up soon. I have so many to post. You will probably feel a bit overwhelmed when I do finally get them on here. Many months worth are waiting to be added!

And, too, I want you to know that I have started no less than approximately 3 new posts....but I either decided the posts weren't good enough or that they just sounded a bit blabby....no real content, just a bunch of blabbering. Who really wants to read that, huh?! Well, even if you did, I decided you wouldn't.

Today is sort of emotional for me. And this isn't the first day I have had like this lately.

I'm one day away from possibly knowing what the cause for Griff's learning issues are and I am feeling all kinds of things.
Anxious
Sad
Happy
Worried (though I am trying really hard to live in the moment....baby steps)
Thankful
Frustrated
Insecure
Restless

Just so many things. I want my child to have things as easy as is possible. Don't all parents wish for that? I want things for him to be without frustration. For him to love learning, not want to run away from it. His life as a student will be such a drudgery if day in and day out he leaves for school thinking, "This place is no fun. They suck the self esteem from me. They make me feel like I am dumb."

What a crappy way to feel.

Dan and I were discussing this last night and I was saying, "I read that thing from the teacher. It said that the average student has to see and read a word 40 times before it is committed to long term memory." He said, "Yeah, I read that too." I said, "It wasn't like that for me, Dan. I read a word once, and I knew it. I never had to have help with homework. I did not have to be 'worked' with. The teacher taught something to us. I got it. I thought learning was simple, I thought it was so easy to go to school......No wonder I loved school....it gave me so much self-esteem!"

Then it hit me......Griffin's struggle is finally giving me a look into what the other kids in my class, the ones who didn't like school, were going through. It makes me feel horrible. I now remember howI was not the nicest to those kids. I wasn't as accepting as I should have been because they were the kids who made the teacher frustrated. Who had to be taught something over and over and made some of the lessons not so much fun....Why can't they just get it?!

I'm finally seeing things from that side and it makes me feel horrible. I probably hurt the feelings of other kids, over and over while I was growing up. All because I did not understand that learning, the ability to learn "normally" and quickly, is not normal....that was a gift. And my being less than accepting of my classmates, now makes me feel horrible. I look into the eyes of my son and I think, "Who could be mean to you? You are so precious!" And now, in examining my past, I see my reflection in his eyes and it hurts. I was one of those kids. I was not a bully by any means. But unaccepting, definitely. Dismissive of those who had a harder time learning, absolutely. Gossipy about how "stupid" so and so was, yes.
Oh, I hate knowing now how much that potentially hurt my classmates.

This issue we have been struggling with, it has really pointed out my short-comings and my past hurts.....and I am greatly sorry.

I honestly did not think that I could have ever been remembered by anyone as being a mean kid. I wasn't cruel......but I was. I wasn't snobby........but I was.

Griffin is a beautiful child inside and out. He is perfect just the way God made him, and I know that. But, kids, kids don't know that. Kids only know he takes longer to "get" things than the rest of the class. And, that he's always talking, that's why he doesn't finish his work.
Don't get me wrong, according to his teacher, he is well accepted among his peers. But, we are in only the first part of his schooling. If he continues to drag the class down, he wil not be as well accepted. Kids will definitely start to notice that he is "different" and shy away from socializing with him.

That is how kids are, and I want to shelter my son from as much of that as I can.

So, now I am thinking about the future, even though I try to stop from thinking ahead. Not thinking of what's to come just seems impossible. I need to start preparing myself for what we might have to go through. I don't want to be blindsided. Having an action plan will make things easier, right?!
Yeah, well, that is when the worry begins. When you start thinking of the things that might need to happen, you start to realize they cost, and they take up a lot of time, and you think, "How will we be able to make these things happen and still keep everyone in the family united?"
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress.
Now add your own hurt because you weren't the most accepting kid, so you feel the need to REALLY plan and do whatever you possibly can to make your child as inconspicuous as possible.
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress. Cry. Worry. Stress. Cry. Cry. Cry.

I know that there are far bigger challenges out there others are facing. That does give me perspective. Yet, my emotions are still running amok. I'm a mother....I want to protect!
Which explains why I have sort of withdrawn a bit from the outside world, at least I think it does. I'm in preservation mode. I just want to preserve my family's "normalcy" for as long as I can. I know things are about to get even more chaotic, and I'm clinging to our final days.

Pray for us, y'all. Pray for me....I'm the one with the issues!! ha ha! But, tomorrow will be good. We need an answer. I hope Saturday will bring it. I pray they will give me a starting point.....we need one. And Griffin, he needs to feel like he IS smart...that learning CAN be fun....that reading on his own ISN'T impossible..... and, mostly, that his esteem CAN grow from school, not just sucked away when he enters the doors. Lots of prayer needed folks. Keep us on your list!

Love y'all!

Family

I just don't know how to say it any better than this......I am one BLESSED chick!

A few weeks ago, I became overcome by sadness. I was missing my family! This past weekend, I got to see a good number of them, and I am back to HAPPY!

Being around my family rejuvenates me. It does. It feeds my esteem, and makes my life seem to make sense..... I make sense, you know?!?

These are the people whose influence made me want to be a mom.....who have cared for me unconditionally, and who keep me believing in myself. Even when I am not sitting in the "fan" box of my own life, they are in the stands cheering me on "You can do it!", "You're the greatest!", "We love you so much!"

Ahhhh, a cheering section! That's what I was missing!

Wouldn't it be great if every day as you walked around and made decisions, you had a group of loyal fans who walked along with you saying stuff like, "That's right, you did it! You made the coffee!" Creepy maybe, but hey, your fans love you! They think you are fantastic just the way you are.

That's what I was needing. That's why I went home.

If I could give every person one thing it wouldn't be money or a job or a better job it would be a supportive, loving, and hard-working family.

Where family isn't always people, it's also a place. A place where envy wishes it could come in, but where only acceptance and pride reside. Family is built on generosity and laughter fills its walls. Humility pours from the faucets, and patience illuminates its windows.

I grew up in this place.....this place called family. And everyday I try to recreate it here in my own neck of the woods. But, sometimes, the only way to really make sure you're building the same kind of dwelling in your own life, is to go back.

I love you family. Each and every single one of you. Thank you for renewing me. I am one BLESSED chick!!

Working Towards "It"........the "it" remains undetermined, HELP!

It was the start of a new book in my Mother's Group at church. This book is a 13 week study, but really only has 11 weeks of material. The first week is supposed to be a week of "Getting to Know One Another." Most of us ladies are well acquainted, but ice-breakers can be fun! I went out on the web and found some pretty good questions.

One question was What one store is most represented in your wardrobe....ha ha most of us said Walmart! Then there was, What song best represents the '80's to you? Amy, who had this question said Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. they just a wanna, they just a wanna...Ah yes! Some of the rest of the class said, Pour Some Sugar On Me, and Like A Virgin. I personally thought Peter Gabriel's In Your Eye's (from the movie Say Anything) was the song that best defined the '80's for me. 'Course, that's probably because I was at that pubescent and romantic stage in life where the movie just seemed so dreamy! Someone who loves you and sees so much in your eyes! WOW! Oh, to be a tween-ager again.....please, oh please, I was kidding! I would never want to go back to that stage in life again.....yuck! Nauseated just thinking about it!

Okay, so the question I had, was the one question I wrote down thinking, "I hope I don't get this one." The question was, "What is your life long dream?" I opened this up and anxiety immediately set in! I don't have a lifelong dream! I knew I should have chosen that question about what kinds of things scream "nerd" to you? Sheeesh, does anyone really have a dream from the time they were a child til now? I guess probably Tiger Woods and other people of that sort whose gifts are shown to them at such an early age, but, seriously, does everyone but me have a lifelong dream? Tell me I'm not the only one!!

I was sitting there, and eventually all the questions had been read except mine. I had to read my question to the group and then come up with an answer.
I decided maybe I should say what my dreams are now.... Oh wait, do I have any dreams? Ummmm, No. Okay that idea is shot.
Did I used to have any dreams? Yes.
Do I think I would still like to actualize those? Ummm, no, not really. I mean Solid Gold went off the air years ago, so I doubt they are still looking for dancers :(

Okay, I was batting a thousand here. The only thing I could think of that was a dream, was to be a Mom. I kind of felt like that was a lame answer though, since I was meeting with a group of mothers and that's the one thing we all were! Doesn't sound too "dreamy" among that crowd.

I ended up saying, "Well, I always wanted to be a Mom. And now, here I sit, Mom to three. So, I did that. But, ummm, yeah, really, I cannot think of any life long dream I ever had for myself."

That just sounds pathetic, huh?!? Yeah, so, right now I want you to do something for me, make an L with your right hand, press it to your forehead, and in your best Ace Ventura voice, say, "Loooooo-Seeeerrrrr!" That is how I felt answering that question. I'm a tiny green pea in a world of enormous orange pumpkins....very insignificant, out of place, and odd, I felt.

It's not like I don't have goals. My goals just seem to be more on the short term and not on the large scale anymore. I rarely ever dream, and I never day-dream, or catch myself fantasizing about things not at all the same girl I was back when I was all goo-goo eyed over John Cusack in Say Anything when he stood in front of Ione Skye's window with the boom box lifted in the air, and Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes blasting out...maybe I could learn something from my tween-age years, after all. Maybe pick up a lost trait and bring it back to 30'something with me....hmmmmm, where do you find a time machine these days.....

I guess since growing up, I've become much more literal. What's realistic? What's tangible? Focus on the now, etc, etc. But I think I'd like to try being a little less here and now, and a little more when....

So, I'm on a mission: actualize a dream. Figure out what my lifelong, or maybe just from this point on, dream is and see myself realizing it.
I think I'll start with setting a goal. An attainable goal. Something that will get my feet wet. Been a long time since I set one of those.

Who wants to join me? Set a goal. Figure out what you want and aim for it. Just because I got the college degree, I got the man, I got the kids, I got the house, and I got the friends doesn't mean I should stop achieving, does it?!

Please leave me comments on this topic. Maybe they're your goals, or how you actualized your lifelong dream, or what you feel inspired to now strive for, etc.
I need support on this. I'm too good at adding myself in at the bottom of the list. I have to start figuring out how I can move up a notch or two and still maintain my other achievements. Your input would be lovely.
Here's to climbing :)

Not Lazy....Efficient!

My friends, of more than two kids, and I like to say that we are "laid-back" parents. We joke about how one of our kids can fall off a two foot drop and as long as there was grass where they fell or something semi-soft, we'll just yell from where we stand, "You okay Buddy?"

There's no stop what you are doing to run out and see if they are okay. Nope, just a, "Brush it off. You're okay. That was a bad one, huh? Well, go get me a band-aid....and try not to bleed on the living room carpet."
Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration.....we no longer have carpet in our living room.

But, anyway, my point is this, once you have more kids than equals you plus your husband....or husband plus wife, which for most of us is two, unless you are one of those Pluralists, then, well, who knows, you might have to have 6 kids in order to gain more kids than you have wives, so if you are a Pluralist and you are reading this, I hope you're grateful that I included you in my equation. Back to the subject...once you have more kids than you are in sum total, in our case 2, then things that used to send you into a tizzy start to become less and less important, and sanity, enjoying the moment no matter how crazy and chaotic the environment is around you, start to win out.

I think before I had three kids I used to call this lazy. Yep, you heard it. Before I had three kids, if you were the type of parents who were like, "Hey, you, kid I can't remember the name of, get in here and eat your dinner." I would probably have thought, You know, they should really have approached the child. Putting yourself in their immediate space gets the child to do what is being asked, not yelling from another room. Gah! The audacity! Don't they watch SuperNanny? Get down to their level! That's what SuperNanny says!

Oh, I was a much better Mom before I had children, wasn't I?!

Now, you will find me on any given day yelling from the kitchen into the living room, "Hey, go get your shoes on like I asked you to 5 minutes ago, or I am going to hot glue them to your feet so you can't ever take them off!"
"What? You can't find them? Even more reason for the hot glue gun. Do you really need me to go down that road with you, son? Really, really? How 'bout getting off the couch and actually looking! Only then, will I maybe start helping you.....Can't find 'em? Well, when you don't actually lift yourself off of the couch how could you? Get up and look!" And, might I mention this is all done while not even actually seeing my son! I just KNOW what he is or isn't up to....mother's intuition, priceless!

Yelling through walls, this is how we of out-numbered status get things done. I cannot go with my son, holding his hand and stroking his ego so as not to stunt him emotionally, every time he needs to find his shoes. Can't do it. Not enough time in the day. Not enough of ME to go around. Sorry son, consider this an early lesson in independence.

But, as I have come to realize, this method for parenting is actually the better parenting method. Okay so I'm biased because it's how I roll, and if you disagree, well, start writing your own blog and maybe I will be a changed woman, maybe, probably not, but maybe.... The reason I say that my method is the better method of parenting is because it teaches children to self soothe. It teaches them to say to themselves, "Is this something I really should sit here and cry over or would that just be wasting my precious play time?" and "Mom doesn't drive herself batty trying to meet all my demands. She is here for me, but she's never going to do everything for me. Even though I beg!"

I call this being a non-s'mother'er. I mother, not smother. It may seem less loving to you, but I don't see it that way. I am so super limited on what I can do and how much time I can give to it, that I have to prioritize. Though, this does not mean that I always choose with precision, as my husband will attest. For example, I may start another load of laundry, while he is waiting in the air-doesn't-move attic on a smoldering hot day for me to help put stuff up and away, "Honey, I was waiting. Did you really have to get that laundry started this very second or could you have waited 5 minutes?"
"Ummmm, in my head, yes, yes, I really did. But, now I see what you mean....Ooops, Sorry! Need a block of ice?"

Yeah, so sometimes I mess up, well sue me, I'm human.

In being a non-s'mother'er with a laid-back parenting style, you can be mis-read. People will think you are lazy and uncaring. You don't jump to get your child what they need, you tell them where it is and how to get it....man, sooooo lazy!
You won't sign your kid up for every flavor of the week activity your child thinks he is going to just love doing, "Oh please, please, please! I always wanted to learn about bee-keeping! Please!"
"Not this time Sweetie, we need to see how this school year goes first, then we can start adding in activities, if our schedules will allow it. And I know, I know....I'm soooo MEEEEAN!!!"

When you parent in a laid-back sort of way, and allow your children to do for themselves, you really are teaching them to care for themselves.
You are saying to them, Mom's independence is necessary for this family to run smoothly, because if I am not sane, you won't have even half the things you have now.
You are saying to them, your independence is necessary. If you rely on me for all your "needs" then how will you ever grow in esteem for yourself?

I was raised in a large blended family. I felt many times that I was treated unfairly, and "If they really loved me they would let me..." But, what I now see is that family was always the center of importance in my rearing. Not me, but the family. Parents who made me do things for myself were not "lazy" but simply, great leaders and teachers who taught me esteem while making me do for myself. And generosity when asking me to take part in chores and family tasks.

Yeah, I'll take one of those "lazy" parents who allows their kids moments of independence and healthy risk opportunities, over a smother'er any day! Any other takers?

What a Lady!

I was looking for something entirely different while out on the 'net Google-ing, and found this article. How funny!
First of all, she's in the age range of my Grannies, so I instantly like her.
Second of all, she's packin' heat so you'd better watch out....seriously, watch out! She ain't playin' when it comes to "Chariot"!
And, Lastly, did anyone catch that at 88 she drove from Orlando to Pennsylvania?! I had to Google that to find out the distance, and it doesn't specify where in Pennsylvania she went, but just putting in Orland to Pennsylvania got me a Google map with the mileage of 1,088miles! Good Gracious! To be 88 and drive your car over 2,000 miles round trip is just amazing! Doesn't say how many days it took her or if she drove the whole way, but it seems like she was at least IN the car for the entire ride. She wins a medal for that alone! 2,000 miles in a car, no matter how many days it takes, is a LONG trip for anyone! Let alone an 88 year old! My knees started to cramp, my hips started to ache, and my butt asked me to "Stand UP" just thinking about it!
Rachel Veitch, I like you!

Don't Forget My Aero-Plane!

Grant's been talking about his birthday for about a month now. Every day he wakes up and says, "It's almost my birthday." And I tell him he's right....his birthday is just a few short weeks away.
About a week ago, I said maybe he would get an airplane for his birthday, since he was more than upset when Bubba got an airplane, and he didn't...why you ask? Well, because he said he wanted one, then decided he wanted a Super hero movie instead, sooooo, he changed his mind and was then remorseful about his decision. "That my aero-plane."
"No, Grant, that's Bubba's. You wanted the movie. Bubba got the airplane."
"Cuz that's mine! That's not Bubba's!"
"It is Bubba's. Maybe you can get an airplane for your birthday....maybe someone will get you an airplane for your birthday in a couple of weeks."
"That's right! I get a hopa-doctor and a aero-plane and a koh-toe-kye-cle fo my birthday?"
"Um, well, maybe an airplane. But, you think you'll get a helicopter, and a motorcycle, too?!
"Uh-Huh!!"
"Okay, well you never know! You might get at least one of those!"
"That's right Momma. I get all those fo my birthday. Bubba not get any."
"Not on your birthday, you're right. He won't get any of those on your birthday."

So, since then, every day, he wakes up and tells me about how it is almost his birthday and how he is going to get a koh-toe-kye-cle an aero-plane and a hopa-doctor on his birthday!

It is now my mission to make sure that he gets at least one of those or there is going to be a complete meltdown on his day!

Our neighbor's boy has this Batman Imaginext BatCave....it comes with a Batman, Robin, and a koh-toe-kye-cle. For an additional $12 you can get this hopa-doctor. Thinking our little man would not constantly ask to go see our neighbor Kyle if he, too, had one of these!

Now, this brings up the question....how much do you spend on birthday gifts for your own kids? What do you think is reasonable? I am not big into the whole "party" idea for kids Grant's age. I feel like if he won't really remember it, why bother? What he will remember is a gathering of people who love him. Which is why I usually just have a barbecue and invite over a bunch of our friends and their kids. That feels more appropriate to me. And, it's not about the gifts either. I tell everyone invited not to bring a gift. We just want Grant to have friends to play with....that's what makes a party fun, right?! Friends!
What he should take away from "his day" is that people who love him got together to celebrate and show him how much he is loved with their presence, not their presents.

But, as Mom and Dad we will be gifting him. Gotta make at least one of his wishes come true! So, that got me wondering how much other people gift? Do you have a standard set amount? Or do you have a rule about the kinds of gifts you give your kids, etc?

I have a couple of standards:
Baby Showers...diapers, wipes, baby necessities, all packaged in a small-ish Rubbermaid tote. I give it in the tote because with babies they are constantly growing out of clothes and growing into other sizes, etc. Having an extra tote makes it easy to store future outfits, or put away too small ones to then hand-down to someone else, or store away for the next baby! Such a useful gift, if you ask me! 'Course I am VERY practical!

Kid's Birthday Party.....I usually try to give clothing or books or something other than toys. As a parent of three, I know how much kids LOVE getting toys, but also how disrespectful to them they can be when they have too many! And, we have a standard set dollar amount on what we give for each event. That way I know I am always being fair, and too, it pushes me to be more creative! :)

So, as I was taking my ideas for gifts, etc, into consideration, I was wondering if others of you had standards or rules or limits, etc. Let me know.....I'm always interested in the ways others govern their families, children, homes, etc.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Funny things from the weekend:

Grant and Griffin were laying in our bed on Sunday both being told to take naps. Well, I could hear them in there messin' with each other, but figured I would just let it continue until it got above a certain decibel. A few minutes pass and here comes Griffin. "I just can't get any rest."
I say, "Well, I can hear you in there with your brother messin' around, so I'm sure that's why you can't get any rest." He says, "Well, he's just in there slapping me in the face and pulling my hair." I said, "Well, when it started were you laughing about it?" He says, "Yeah, but then he pulled my hair and it really hurt." I said, "Well, you maybe should just go sleep in your own bed then." He says, "Grant shouldn't be pullin' people's hair....my head really hurts."

"Okay, Honey. I hear ya. Just go lay down in your bed."

Griffin goes away and comes back in the living room...."Son, I told you to go to lay down."

"I know Mom, but here's what Grant did. See my hair?"

He hands me a chunk, and I mean a CHUNK, of hair that I half-way expected to have scalp attached to it! Holy cow! I had no idea someone could pull that much hair out of another person's head! Let alone a not-even 3 year old!

So, we marched back into my bedroom and I said, "Grant. You pulled this hair out of Bubba's head. We don't do that! We don't pull hair......that really hurt Bubba!"

Grant says, "Cuz, we fight. Bubba want to fight. We fight Momma."

"No, you lay down. Momma will lay down with you. Want me to lay down between you two Griffin?"

"Yeah"

"Okay. I will."

"Mom."

"Yes baby."

"Be careful, Mom. He might pull your hair out, too."

"I appreciate that. Hopefully he knows better than to do that to me." Have to say, I was a tad nervous....

Later that day......

Driving to run some errands....all the kids in the van, Dan driving, the Black Eyed Peas singing Boom Boom Pow on our stereo......all the kids and Mom dancing in our seats. Song ends. Griffin says, "Can you play that again?" Dan says, "It's the radio Buddy they can play anything." Griffin says, "Well, can you play another song like that?" We find another station playin' Low by Flo-Rida....Griffin's in the back mouthing Low, Low Low, Momma's up front dancing around, doing the shoulder-shimmy, Wyatt is pumping his fist in the air, and Grant is rocking side to side. I look at Dan and say, "I wonder how many other white families drive down the road listening to Hip-Hop with their whole white-as-they get, Aryan-looking boys dancing like they were all part of America's Best Dance Crew?" Good Times!!!

We were leaving Target, two carts, three kids, and a few bags. Dan put Wyatt in the van, I was putting the bags in the back, and Griffin was moving his cart into the cart corral....with Grant still in it. Griffin gets in the van and says, "Listen to Grant......He's yelling 'ayudame' like on Dora." Dan says, "Where is he?" Griffin, "In the cart...he needs help getting out." Too much to expect Griffin to help his hair-pulling brother out of it, huh?....
Being that we were parked right next to the cart corral, we pop our heads out of the van to hear Grant yelling, "Help Me! Help Me! Ayudame!" Had me in tears! So funny! Any Spanish speaker in the general vicinity would have been proud of his inflections too, very authentic! ha ha ha!

And let's not forget, Wyatt tried to sit on Gracie (our neighbor baby)'s face. Threw a fit because I was holding said baby, and has decided that our neighborhood belongs to him. When following him on his trek through HIS 'hood, he gets HIGHLY perturbed! Will turn around and screech at me while pointing his finger....."Back off lady!!" He's BOSSY that one!

Busy weekend, but fun....how could it not be with those three?!