Working Towards "It"........the "it" remains undetermined, HELP!

It was the start of a new book in my Mother's Group at church. This book is a 13 week study, but really only has 11 weeks of material. The first week is supposed to be a week of "Getting to Know One Another." Most of us ladies are well acquainted, but ice-breakers can be fun! I went out on the web and found some pretty good questions.

One question was What one store is most represented in your wardrobe....ha ha most of us said Walmart! Then there was, What song best represents the '80's to you? Amy, who had this question said Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. they just a wanna, they just a wanna...Ah yes! Some of the rest of the class said, Pour Some Sugar On Me, and Like A Virgin. I personally thought Peter Gabriel's In Your Eye's (from the movie Say Anything) was the song that best defined the '80's for me. 'Course, that's probably because I was at that pubescent and romantic stage in life where the movie just seemed so dreamy! Someone who loves you and sees so much in your eyes! WOW! Oh, to be a tween-ager again.....please, oh please, I was kidding! I would never want to go back to that stage in life again.....yuck! Nauseated just thinking about it!

Okay, so the question I had, was the one question I wrote down thinking, "I hope I don't get this one." The question was, "What is your life long dream?" I opened this up and anxiety immediately set in! I don't have a lifelong dream! I knew I should have chosen that question about what kinds of things scream "nerd" to you? Sheeesh, does anyone really have a dream from the time they were a child til now? I guess probably Tiger Woods and other people of that sort whose gifts are shown to them at such an early age, but, seriously, does everyone but me have a lifelong dream? Tell me I'm not the only one!!

I was sitting there, and eventually all the questions had been read except mine. I had to read my question to the group and then come up with an answer.
I decided maybe I should say what my dreams are now.... Oh wait, do I have any dreams? Ummmm, No. Okay that idea is shot.
Did I used to have any dreams? Yes.
Do I think I would still like to actualize those? Ummm, no, not really. I mean Solid Gold went off the air years ago, so I doubt they are still looking for dancers :(

Okay, I was batting a thousand here. The only thing I could think of that was a dream, was to be a Mom. I kind of felt like that was a lame answer though, since I was meeting with a group of mothers and that's the one thing we all were! Doesn't sound too "dreamy" among that crowd.

I ended up saying, "Well, I always wanted to be a Mom. And now, here I sit, Mom to three. So, I did that. But, ummm, yeah, really, I cannot think of any life long dream I ever had for myself."

That just sounds pathetic, huh?!? Yeah, so, right now I want you to do something for me, make an L with your right hand, press it to your forehead, and in your best Ace Ventura voice, say, "Loooooo-Seeeerrrrr!" That is how I felt answering that question. I'm a tiny green pea in a world of enormous orange pumpkins....very insignificant, out of place, and odd, I felt.

It's not like I don't have goals. My goals just seem to be more on the short term and not on the large scale anymore. I rarely ever dream, and I never day-dream, or catch myself fantasizing about things not at all the same girl I was back when I was all goo-goo eyed over John Cusack in Say Anything when he stood in front of Ione Skye's window with the boom box lifted in the air, and Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes blasting out...maybe I could learn something from my tween-age years, after all. Maybe pick up a lost trait and bring it back to 30'something with me....hmmmmm, where do you find a time machine these days.....

I guess since growing up, I've become much more literal. What's realistic? What's tangible? Focus on the now, etc, etc. But I think I'd like to try being a little less here and now, and a little more when....

So, I'm on a mission: actualize a dream. Figure out what my lifelong, or maybe just from this point on, dream is and see myself realizing it.
I think I'll start with setting a goal. An attainable goal. Something that will get my feet wet. Been a long time since I set one of those.

Who wants to join me? Set a goal. Figure out what you want and aim for it. Just because I got the college degree, I got the man, I got the kids, I got the house, and I got the friends doesn't mean I should stop achieving, does it?!

Please leave me comments on this topic. Maybe they're your goals, or how you actualized your lifelong dream, or what you feel inspired to now strive for, etc.
I need support on this. I'm too good at adding myself in at the bottom of the list. I have to start figuring out how I can move up a notch or two and still maintain my other achievements. Your input would be lovely.
Here's to climbing :)

Not Lazy....Efficient!

My friends, of more than two kids, and I like to say that we are "laid-back" parents. We joke about how one of our kids can fall off a two foot drop and as long as there was grass where they fell or something semi-soft, we'll just yell from where we stand, "You okay Buddy?"

There's no stop what you are doing to run out and see if they are okay. Nope, just a, "Brush it off. You're okay. That was a bad one, huh? Well, go get me a band-aid....and try not to bleed on the living room carpet."
Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration.....we no longer have carpet in our living room.

But, anyway, my point is this, once you have more kids than equals you plus your husband....or husband plus wife, which for most of us is two, unless you are one of those Pluralists, then, well, who knows, you might have to have 6 kids in order to gain more kids than you have wives, so if you are a Pluralist and you are reading this, I hope you're grateful that I included you in my equation. Back to the subject...once you have more kids than you are in sum total, in our case 2, then things that used to send you into a tizzy start to become less and less important, and sanity, enjoying the moment no matter how crazy and chaotic the environment is around you, start to win out.

I think before I had three kids I used to call this lazy. Yep, you heard it. Before I had three kids, if you were the type of parents who were like, "Hey, you, kid I can't remember the name of, get in here and eat your dinner." I would probably have thought, You know, they should really have approached the child. Putting yourself in their immediate space gets the child to do what is being asked, not yelling from another room. Gah! The audacity! Don't they watch SuperNanny? Get down to their level! That's what SuperNanny says!

Oh, I was a much better Mom before I had children, wasn't I?!

Now, you will find me on any given day yelling from the kitchen into the living room, "Hey, go get your shoes on like I asked you to 5 minutes ago, or I am going to hot glue them to your feet so you can't ever take them off!"
"What? You can't find them? Even more reason for the hot glue gun. Do you really need me to go down that road with you, son? Really, really? How 'bout getting off the couch and actually looking! Only then, will I maybe start helping you.....Can't find 'em? Well, when you don't actually lift yourself off of the couch how could you? Get up and look!" And, might I mention this is all done while not even actually seeing my son! I just KNOW what he is or isn't up to....mother's intuition, priceless!

Yelling through walls, this is how we of out-numbered status get things done. I cannot go with my son, holding his hand and stroking his ego so as not to stunt him emotionally, every time he needs to find his shoes. Can't do it. Not enough time in the day. Not enough of ME to go around. Sorry son, consider this an early lesson in independence.

But, as I have come to realize, this method for parenting is actually the better parenting method. Okay so I'm biased because it's how I roll, and if you disagree, well, start writing your own blog and maybe I will be a changed woman, maybe, probably not, but maybe.... The reason I say that my method is the better method of parenting is because it teaches children to self soothe. It teaches them to say to themselves, "Is this something I really should sit here and cry over or would that just be wasting my precious play time?" and "Mom doesn't drive herself batty trying to meet all my demands. She is here for me, but she's never going to do everything for me. Even though I beg!"

I call this being a non-s'mother'er. I mother, not smother. It may seem less loving to you, but I don't see it that way. I am so super limited on what I can do and how much time I can give to it, that I have to prioritize. Though, this does not mean that I always choose with precision, as my husband will attest. For example, I may start another load of laundry, while he is waiting in the air-doesn't-move attic on a smoldering hot day for me to help put stuff up and away, "Honey, I was waiting. Did you really have to get that laundry started this very second or could you have waited 5 minutes?"
"Ummmm, in my head, yes, yes, I really did. But, now I see what you mean....Ooops, Sorry! Need a block of ice?"

Yeah, so sometimes I mess up, well sue me, I'm human.

In being a non-s'mother'er with a laid-back parenting style, you can be mis-read. People will think you are lazy and uncaring. You don't jump to get your child what they need, you tell them where it is and how to get it....man, sooooo lazy!
You won't sign your kid up for every flavor of the week activity your child thinks he is going to just love doing, "Oh please, please, please! I always wanted to learn about bee-keeping! Please!"
"Not this time Sweetie, we need to see how this school year goes first, then we can start adding in activities, if our schedules will allow it. And I know, I know....I'm soooo MEEEEAN!!!"

When you parent in a laid-back sort of way, and allow your children to do for themselves, you really are teaching them to care for themselves.
You are saying to them, Mom's independence is necessary for this family to run smoothly, because if I am not sane, you won't have even half the things you have now.
You are saying to them, your independence is necessary. If you rely on me for all your "needs" then how will you ever grow in esteem for yourself?

I was raised in a large blended family. I felt many times that I was treated unfairly, and "If they really loved me they would let me..." But, what I now see is that family was always the center of importance in my rearing. Not me, but the family. Parents who made me do things for myself were not "lazy" but simply, great leaders and teachers who taught me esteem while making me do for myself. And generosity when asking me to take part in chores and family tasks.

Yeah, I'll take one of those "lazy" parents who allows their kids moments of independence and healthy risk opportunities, over a smother'er any day! Any other takers?

What a Lady!

I was looking for something entirely different while out on the 'net Google-ing, and found this article. How funny!
First of all, she's in the age range of my Grannies, so I instantly like her.
Second of all, she's packin' heat so you'd better watch out....seriously, watch out! She ain't playin' when it comes to "Chariot"!
And, Lastly, did anyone catch that at 88 she drove from Orlando to Pennsylvania?! I had to Google that to find out the distance, and it doesn't specify where in Pennsylvania she went, but just putting in Orland to Pennsylvania got me a Google map with the mileage of 1,088miles! Good Gracious! To be 88 and drive your car over 2,000 miles round trip is just amazing! Doesn't say how many days it took her or if she drove the whole way, but it seems like she was at least IN the car for the entire ride. She wins a medal for that alone! 2,000 miles in a car, no matter how many days it takes, is a LONG trip for anyone! Let alone an 88 year old! My knees started to cramp, my hips started to ache, and my butt asked me to "Stand UP" just thinking about it!
Rachel Veitch, I like you!

Don't Forget My Aero-Plane!

Grant's been talking about his birthday for about a month now. Every day he wakes up and says, "It's almost my birthday." And I tell him he's right....his birthday is just a few short weeks away.
About a week ago, I said maybe he would get an airplane for his birthday, since he was more than upset when Bubba got an airplane, and he didn't...why you ask? Well, because he said he wanted one, then decided he wanted a Super hero movie instead, sooooo, he changed his mind and was then remorseful about his decision. "That my aero-plane."
"No, Grant, that's Bubba's. You wanted the movie. Bubba got the airplane."
"Cuz that's mine! That's not Bubba's!"
"It is Bubba's. Maybe you can get an airplane for your birthday....maybe someone will get you an airplane for your birthday in a couple of weeks."
"That's right! I get a hopa-doctor and a aero-plane and a koh-toe-kye-cle fo my birthday?"
"Um, well, maybe an airplane. But, you think you'll get a helicopter, and a motorcycle, too?!
"Uh-Huh!!"
"Okay, well you never know! You might get at least one of those!"
"That's right Momma. I get all those fo my birthday. Bubba not get any."
"Not on your birthday, you're right. He won't get any of those on your birthday."

So, since then, every day, he wakes up and tells me about how it is almost his birthday and how he is going to get a koh-toe-kye-cle an aero-plane and a hopa-doctor on his birthday!

It is now my mission to make sure that he gets at least one of those or there is going to be a complete meltdown on his day!

Our neighbor's boy has this Batman Imaginext BatCave....it comes with a Batman, Robin, and a koh-toe-kye-cle. For an additional $12 you can get this hopa-doctor. Thinking our little man would not constantly ask to go see our neighbor Kyle if he, too, had one of these!

Now, this brings up the question....how much do you spend on birthday gifts for your own kids? What do you think is reasonable? I am not big into the whole "party" idea for kids Grant's age. I feel like if he won't really remember it, why bother? What he will remember is a gathering of people who love him. Which is why I usually just have a barbecue and invite over a bunch of our friends and their kids. That feels more appropriate to me. And, it's not about the gifts either. I tell everyone invited not to bring a gift. We just want Grant to have friends to play with....that's what makes a party fun, right?! Friends!
What he should take away from "his day" is that people who love him got together to celebrate and show him how much he is loved with their presence, not their presents.

But, as Mom and Dad we will be gifting him. Gotta make at least one of his wishes come true! So, that got me wondering how much other people gift? Do you have a standard set amount? Or do you have a rule about the kinds of gifts you give your kids, etc?

I have a couple of standards:
Baby Showers...diapers, wipes, baby necessities, all packaged in a small-ish Rubbermaid tote. I give it in the tote because with babies they are constantly growing out of clothes and growing into other sizes, etc. Having an extra tote makes it easy to store future outfits, or put away too small ones to then hand-down to someone else, or store away for the next baby! Such a useful gift, if you ask me! 'Course I am VERY practical!

Kid's Birthday Party.....I usually try to give clothing or books or something other than toys. As a parent of three, I know how much kids LOVE getting toys, but also how disrespectful to them they can be when they have too many! And, we have a standard set dollar amount on what we give for each event. That way I know I am always being fair, and too, it pushes me to be more creative! :)

So, as I was taking my ideas for gifts, etc, into consideration, I was wondering if others of you had standards or rules or limits, etc. Let me know.....I'm always interested in the ways others govern their families, children, homes, etc.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Funny things from the weekend:

Grant and Griffin were laying in our bed on Sunday both being told to take naps. Well, I could hear them in there messin' with each other, but figured I would just let it continue until it got above a certain decibel. A few minutes pass and here comes Griffin. "I just can't get any rest."
I say, "Well, I can hear you in there with your brother messin' around, so I'm sure that's why you can't get any rest." He says, "Well, he's just in there slapping me in the face and pulling my hair." I said, "Well, when it started were you laughing about it?" He says, "Yeah, but then he pulled my hair and it really hurt." I said, "Well, you maybe should just go sleep in your own bed then." He says, "Grant shouldn't be pullin' people's hair....my head really hurts."

"Okay, Honey. I hear ya. Just go lay down in your bed."

Griffin goes away and comes back in the living room...."Son, I told you to go to lay down."

"I know Mom, but here's what Grant did. See my hair?"

He hands me a chunk, and I mean a CHUNK, of hair that I half-way expected to have scalp attached to it! Holy cow! I had no idea someone could pull that much hair out of another person's head! Let alone a not-even 3 year old!

So, we marched back into my bedroom and I said, "Grant. You pulled this hair out of Bubba's head. We don't do that! We don't pull hair......that really hurt Bubba!"

Grant says, "Cuz, we fight. Bubba want to fight. We fight Momma."

"No, you lay down. Momma will lay down with you. Want me to lay down between you two Griffin?"

"Yeah"

"Okay. I will."

"Mom."

"Yes baby."

"Be careful, Mom. He might pull your hair out, too."

"I appreciate that. Hopefully he knows better than to do that to me." Have to say, I was a tad nervous....

Later that day......

Driving to run some errands....all the kids in the van, Dan driving, the Black Eyed Peas singing Boom Boom Pow on our stereo......all the kids and Mom dancing in our seats. Song ends. Griffin says, "Can you play that again?" Dan says, "It's the radio Buddy they can play anything." Griffin says, "Well, can you play another song like that?" We find another station playin' Low by Flo-Rida....Griffin's in the back mouthing Low, Low Low, Momma's up front dancing around, doing the shoulder-shimmy, Wyatt is pumping his fist in the air, and Grant is rocking side to side. I look at Dan and say, "I wonder how many other white families drive down the road listening to Hip-Hop with their whole white-as-they get, Aryan-looking boys dancing like they were all part of America's Best Dance Crew?" Good Times!!!

We were leaving Target, two carts, three kids, and a few bags. Dan put Wyatt in the van, I was putting the bags in the back, and Griffin was moving his cart into the cart corral....with Grant still in it. Griffin gets in the van and says, "Listen to Grant......He's yelling 'ayudame' like on Dora." Dan says, "Where is he?" Griffin, "In the cart...he needs help getting out." Too much to expect Griffin to help his hair-pulling brother out of it, huh?....
Being that we were parked right next to the cart corral, we pop our heads out of the van to hear Grant yelling, "Help Me! Help Me! Ayudame!" Had me in tears! So funny! Any Spanish speaker in the general vicinity would have been proud of his inflections too, very authentic! ha ha ha!

And let's not forget, Wyatt tried to sit on Gracie (our neighbor baby)'s face. Threw a fit because I was holding said baby, and has decided that our neighborhood belongs to him. When following him on his trek through HIS 'hood, he gets HIGHLY perturbed! Will turn around and screech at me while pointing his finger....."Back off lady!!" He's BOSSY that one!

Busy weekend, but fun....how could it not be with those three?!

Truly: THE BEST WEDDING ENTRANCE EVER!

Okay....one last post before I leave for vacation......oh my gosh this is too amazing!
Thanks Rachel for forwarding this to me!
It made me BAWL like a baby! Most of you probably won't. This is ME we are talking about! But for me it just illustrated how much these friends and family members must totally love the bride and groom!
And to be that happy! And to get everyone in the church THAT happy, WOW!!!!
Which is why I cried.....I love it!
So, watch this fantastic video and feel what I felt, if even just a little.....Bravo Jill and Kevin for making your wedding day that AWESOME!!!

What Did Jesus Look Like?

I'm trying to remember how this conversation started....

Okay, it was raining yesterday and I was driving Griffin home from his tutor.

Griffin: "It's raining. It's like God is taking a shower."

Me: "That's funny! Where'd you here that from, Honey?"

Griffin: "It's in the Bible...it's a Bible verse."

Me: "Oh it is, huh? Hmmmm, I never heard that one. I'm glad you told me."

Then I started thinking about something we were talking about in our Sunday School Class. So I said....

Me: "So, you think God takes showers? What do you think, then, that God looks like?"

Griffin: "Oh, he has long hair. And he wears a blue...ummmm...."

Me: "Robe?"

Griffin: "Yeah, a robe. It's blue. And he wears black sandals. Oh, and his hair is brown. And he sits in a chair in Heaven."

Me: "Well, then, what do you think Jesus looks like?"

Griffin: "Oh, Jesus? Oh, well, he's got shorter hair. And he wears a red robe, and black sandals. And his hair is brown and he's peach."

Me: "Peach. You think Jesus is peach?"

Griffin: "Yeah. What do you think God and Jesus looks like?"

Me: "Well, I really have no idea what God looks like. None. But, Jesus. Well, we know that he was Middle Eastern. So, I would guess he was more brown than peach."

Griffin: "Huh. Well, I guess we'll find out when we go to Heaven. We'll meet 'em then! What do you think Heaven looks like?"

Me: "I think it is probably the most beautiful place we will have ever laid our eyes on."

Griffin: "Yeah. I think so too. And I think it is probably sparkly."

Me: "Me too! Definitely sparkly!"

And that was that. Almost made me flat out cry. Tears did well-up in my eyes. But I held them back. What an amazing child he is.

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Something I have really been thinking about lately is concepts. Because from concepts we then build beliefs. If my concept of the church is that it is filled with hypocrites then my belief might be that religion is not important....finding a church is not impactful to me. I don't need church in my life.

If I conceptualize Jesus as a man, then don't I forget that he was once a baby, a child, a teenager, a young adult, and THEN a man. I mean think about it....surely as a child growing up he would have gotten hurt both physically and emotionally. Surely he had sadness in his life for which he would have to come to grips with. Looking at his life from the awkwardness of youth, maybe he even had bad acne at one time, and lips his face had to grow into. Who knows! But he was a teenager and he was human! What a concept, huh?! Imperfection. Even God would have allowed for these things to occur. He would need to limit His role in the life of His son so that Jesus could have a fully human experience. Interesting concept, isn't it?

Now, when you pray, do you visualize a picture of God? Do you visualize a picture of Jesus? And if so, what do you picture them like? Speaking of just Jesus....what sort of Jesus do you envision? Is it Jesus the carpenter? Jesus the teacher ministering to his flock? Or Jesus in his death as he hangs from the cross?

I find it really funny that I have never thought of Jesus as a baby! At least not really. I have always visualized him in my prayers at the age of his death. As a man. This concept of Jesus as a baby reminded me of the movie Talladega Nights. The main character Ricky Bobby is over and over again praying to "Dear Lord Baby Jesus".......so funny! Cracked me up each time he did this!! At one point in the movie, there's a scene where someone at the dinner table says to him, "He was a man! He had a beard!" And Ricky Bobby says, "I like the baby version the best!"

But he was a baby! He was a toddler. He was a young child. Oh my gosh! He was totally human in every way! He grew in the same ways that we all do. He didn't just come out a baby and then in ten years become a man, freakishly dispalying the fact that he was maybe "not of this world". No, he grew in every way that we do. The only oddity of his birth was that his mother immaculately conceived him. But Joseph was no less his earthly teacher and father. And no less proud of Jesus in his every endeavor. Yet, I'm sure Joseph was also no less admonishing of him each time he did something "dangerous" or "without thinking" for Joseph was human too.

Jesus was not privileged, at least not in the way we typically use the word. No, he didn't grow up in wealth. He didn't grow up in a metropolis. He didn't grow up with the famous. He grew up, seemingly insignificantly. And, yet, He changed our world forever.

These realities have really helped me, lately. Knowing that when I see my role as insignificant, I am wrong. When I see the children within my reach as normal and regular, I am wrong. When I see the people I come into contact with as purposeless and without bearing on myself or my family or my world, I am wrong.

Jesus was an infant, a boy, and a man. Every experience he had in life, and every person he encountered in his upbringing molded him and brought him to his destiny. Oh how it must have felt to have been his neighbor. To see how he changed the world. And to be able to say, "I knew that man when he was just a boy!"

But the concept hasn't changed. We make an impact on everyone around us. From our peers, to the kids our kids interact with, to our co-workers.....everyone. And the concept that we are all creating a history not only for ourselves but for everyone we come in contact with, is wow, monumental! And it started with us when we were babies.

Conceptualize with me this world: every person around me has value and is worthy of Me at my best. Not to say you are not allowed to have moods other than happiness. But, what if.....what if you decided that just as Jesus wasn't always a man, neither were we. If you have wrongs that were done to you in your past....make peace with them. If there are people in your life who are hurting you with their words or actions, while you hide behind "acceptance", get honest with them.

Conceptualize one last thing......You are at peace. The people who have wronged you have been forgiven, and don't forget forgiveness does not mean you condone their actions. The hurting that others continue doing to you has been brought to them. And their decision to either correct or continue behaviors has either kept them in your life or has cut them out of your life, but you are at peace.

If I conceptualize a world where my mark IS a lasting one then all of a sudden I understand relationships and their value. I understand healing. I understand forgiveness. I understand the need for the community of church in my life and I feel happiness. The question is, are you deserving of that concept?