The American Way???

I gotta get something out... this life is not yours for the indebting. Okay?!? Do you think God wants you to have lots of stuff, but no retirement? Do you think that He wants you to try and make people happy through things? This doesn’t work. I know.

A friend told me yesterday that in “today’s society, it’s impossible to live without debt.” What a thought provoking statement with such childish undertones. Don’t you mean it is impossible for you to take responsibility for wanting things that have made you incur debt?! Well, maybe you’re thinking that you can relate to what this person said. Maybe you, too, think it is “impossible to live without debt”. But, I beg to differ.

I think I have made choices in my life that made it so I incurred debt. But, guess what?! I was the one making the choices and deciding to spend the money! Me! Debt didn’t just come knocking at my door, and say, “Surprise! I’m here! Let me in you HAVE to!” No, I opened the door willingly, and escorted him in feeding him along the way, “Are you hungry? You look famished! Let me get you a car payment! I’m sure you like those. Not to worry, in a few years, we’ll get you another one! Now what about a Credit Card? Do you like those? Oh, those are your favorites?!?! Well, we’ll have to get you a couple of those, too! You know, I’m not sure we’re feeding you enough?!?! You see the neighbor’s Debt next door is much bigger! Well, we can’t have you looking like we don’t feed you! Tomorrow we’ll go out and get something else on credit. Then, maybe, you’ll be a reputable size!”

This sounds ridiculous, huh?! But, how true it is! Gotta make sure we have more than other people or, at least, just as much! I mean how would it look if we drove USED PAID-FOR CARS?! And, bought items for the children at duhn-duhn-duhn-daaah…Yard Sales! Oh, how dreadful! Don’t you know what you are doing to them?! How shameful!!

Please, please, please agree with me here, folks. Tell me that this world is not made up of people who are so completely consumed by the THINGS in life, that they’ve forgotten what life is truly about! What happened to spending time playing board games with your kids, instead of watching them play video games? What happened to finding good, used toys at thrift stores for your kids to play with, and not running out to buy this year’s hottest, does anyone remember, TMX Elmo?!?

I am not an old person, although with three kids 5 and under I do often feel this way, but it seems my way of thinking is a thing of the past. Gone are the ghost stories told around the campfire on your family’s ONE summer vacation and on to the stress-filled sprints through the airports to get on the plane to some over-commercialized, WAY over-priced vacation destination, which may not even be the only vacation you take this year. That might just be ONE of your planned family vacations! And if I had to guess, I’d say most of these are being financed by Mr. Visa and Mrs. MasterCard.

And what if, I know, it’s shameful to even think of this, but what if you didn’t even go on a vacation?!??! Oh, the horror! Obviously those parents must be poor just extremely poor or cruel, just unspeakably cruel!

And, too, I gotta go here, Teachers, upon returning from the summer break do not ask your students to write an essay telling the class what they did this summer. Which truly means “What did you do on your summer vacation?”
What sort of magical experiences is a child supposed to relay when they did not go on vacation? For me, some summers were vacation-less. They were like any other part of the year spent with my family. And there was nothing wrong with that! But how would this essay sound to a group of your 8 year old peers?
“On my summer break I played in the water hose a lot. And, I spent a couple off weekends at my cousin’s house for sleep-overs.
The rest of the summer, I helped my Mom with chores, listened to records on my record player, read books, watched shows on one of the four channel choices on our one TV, and constantly fought with my brothers.”

Totally un-cool, huh?! No, the teacher and my fellow classmates expected excitement! Thrill them with your tales of Disney World. Make them envy you with your stories of airplane rides! Tell them how much money your parents spent in an effort to “make you happy” with stuff. Do not tell the truth! That’s a cool death sentence! And to top it off, if I were to be totally truthful my essay would have ended with, “and I’ve been secretly counting down the days til school would be back in session. I love school! It means I get to play with my friends, participate in kid-centered activities, and learn! I love Learning!”

See what I mean. These sorts of assignments that were meant to be just a jovial way of everyone letting the class know what they did, can be emotionally scarring! I certainly could not tell kids that I WANTED to be back at school, and we did not go on vacation! What kind of loser would I be marked as?!? And, it wasn’t that I was ashamed of my summer exploits (or lack thereof). But, asking me to tell everyone in the class what I did over the summer break made me think, “I’m never gonna let my kid feel this way. No, he will have TOO much to say about the action-packed vacations he has been on! Whatever it takes, I will make sure he is happy!!”

But, you see, I've learned stuff doesn’t make them happy. Vacations don’t make kids happy. I wasn’t unhappy about not going on vacation. I was fine with it. What made me anxious about the assignment, was having to tell everyone what I did, in front of the class! Now, everyone gets to scrutinize whether that was cool or not! The worst thing you can be as a kid is totally un-cool! And, it wasn’t my parents’ fault for not taking us on vacation (those lost vacations paid for lots of other things many of my counterparts would never experience, like money for college, a paid-for wedding, a down payment on a house, etc). The anxiety was induced by the Teacher who thought having kids share their summer excursions, was a good way to kick off the school year!

The Teacher’s intention was good, but the results were damning. I couldn’t lie and make up vacations we didn’t take. So I had to do something else. What I’d do was recall something funny that occurred over the summer (not hard to do when you consider the players are a whole family of screw-balls), and then elaborate on that. But, I was lucky, elaborating was something I was good at. And making people laugh with tales of my whacky family would make them forget that I didn’t mention a vacation, thus, bypassing my banishment to “un-cools-ville!”

Teachers need to learn that having a summer filled with stuff and trips does not make a kid happy or sad, cool or un-cool. But, it can make them over-stimulated, spoiled, and busy. And, it quite possibly, puts their parents in debt or for most, at least adds to it.

So, why is it that this society, this gloriously-advanced society, has forgotten about the simple things in life? My afore-mentioned friend seems to have forgotten about summer afternoons spent pushing your child on the swing. Muggy, late afternoon walks where whole insect worlds are discovered. Dusk to night evenings spent gazing at the clouds and identifying the stars. And why does he think it is better to buy his kids what they “want”? Instead of giving them what they need, him!

I can’t chastise too harshly here, because as stated above, I am a reformed spender. But, let me tell you, the most gratifying feeling you will ever have in your life is when you realize what life is about, and what it isn’t, and then start living life the right way! What a thought?!!?! Living what is right. Being a person your child can remember as always doing what they say and saying what they do! Do what you know to be right?!?! A preposterous idea, I know, but gratifying beyond belief!