If You're Reading This, I Know You Like ME!

So, Independence Day has come and gone. Was it good for you? Did you see a spectacular display of Fireworks?? Was a good time had by all?

Well, ours was a pretty gosh-darn good time! I'll have to admit. In fact, the 4th of July might be my favorite of all holidays! It's probably because I've determined that parties at "our house" rock! It's true, I promise, they do!

When I was younger, the 4th of July was the predetermined "our house" holiday. It was the one time a year that everyone knew to congregate at "our house" for food, laughs, family, food, friends, drinks, food, laughs, more drinks, food, you get the picture.

It was the one holiday a year I looked forward to more than any other! All of the family came to "our house." We didn't have to go anywhere, and thus, didn't have to trek back from anywhere. Which, when living on a farm in Nowhere's-ville, IA could take an eternity. Er, well, at least it seemed like an eternity to me, a non-driving youngster! Are we HOME yet?!? So, it was always too exciting to have everyone come to "our house" for a celebration! It just gave me a great sense of pride to have people over because everyone always had a great time at "our house"! And, I know this can be attributed to my Mom and Step-Dad's great entertaining skills (and alcohol, but mostly, their entertaining skills).

Now, as an adult, it was my turn to have the party at "our house". And the "our house" parties, are pretty big shoes to fill, too, because "our house" parties were always talked about for months and even years afterwards! But, I was up for the challenge!

First up, food. Dan smoked two turkeys and I baked one, Caribbean Jerk Style, I know, just call me Martha! The rest of the buffet was provided by the guests. And some wonderful cooks were among us!!!
Next up, guest list. Since all of our family lives hours away we could only invite our friends and neighbors. Which was a bit sad for me, being that the 4th was always a gathering of family. But, our friends and neighbors have really become our pseudo-family, complete with dysfunction and all! Ahh, just like family! They're great!
Lastly, let's talk drinks. Our friend Mark, in his infinite wisdom, contributed blended drinks for all partaking. Yeah, Mark kicked the party up a notch! And, thank you Mark for that! All that was missing was the tiny umbrella, and the white beach sand, well, and the weather. I hear the Bahamas is more of an arid sort of climate and not air so thick with humidity you have to wear a snorkel to breathe in it! But, hey, we can only control so much (I know, it bugs the heck out of me too! Power, Control, give me more, more, more!)And, so, the guests galore gathered at "our house" for the fun-festival, and no one left disappointed! We definitely succeeded in meeting the "our house" party standards! Oh Mom would be so proud!

But, before the festivities could begin, we had to start getting things prepared. That's when I let Griffin in on the day's itinerary. When he heard people were coming over, his face lit-up like a Roman Candle! Like myself all those years ago, he was sooo excited that people were coming to "our house" for a party.

Griffin: "Oh Mom, everyone's coming to OUR house?!?! Whoa. That's so cool! Matthew and I are going to play knights and we're going to watch movies, and oh, man, when is everyone coming? When are the people coming to OUR house?!"

Me: "This afternoon, Honey. Everyone's coming this afternoon. That's not too far from now. And it will be fun! There'll be a bunch of kids here for you to play with, Matthew and Alex, too. And, listen Griffin, I need you to be good and nice to everyone just like I know you can. All the kids are going to want to play with your stuff and you're going to have to share, okay?!"

Griffin: "Oh, I will Mom. I will. They're all going to want to play with my cool stuff, and I'll make sure I share with them. When are they coming? Oh, I'm sooooo EXCITED!"

And, you know, I remember feeling that same way when we were having the 4th of July party at "our house" every year, too. I just could not wait til everyone got there! I could not wait to show them all of my stuff (which I am sure did not thrill my cousins, then, nor did it thrill Griffin's buddies, now.) But, there's just something so grand about having people over to your house when you're a kid! I mean, I really like it now, but I could barely contain my excitement when I was a kid!

I think it's the notion that if people are coming to your house, then that means people like you! They want to be with YOU! Ego swelling, I love this feeling! People like me! They really do!!!

I'm sure this is why, as an adult, I love to entertain and cook. It's just another way of getting a boost of self esteem. When people come over to a social event at your house that means they like you, thus you have friends and thus, you are not a total social misfit!

And you know what, I think that's a running theme throughout my life. I have always wanted to be liked. I've always coveted people remarking that I was cool or funny or pretty or not a total social pariah! And, of course, who wouldn't appreciate those sorts of comments?! Who, really, doesn't want to be liked?!

My husband is always saying stuff like, "You know I don't care what people think." But, is that really true? Doesn't he? Doesn't he care if people want to hang out with him? Doesn't he care if people think he's cool? Doesn't it make him feel great when people are excited at the idea of coming over to his house to hang because they know they'll have a good time?

I think he does. I think we all do. Whether we say it out loud or not, we all want to be liked! It's innate. From the beginning of time we've lived this way. With this hope that people will like us. We seek approval from our peers, and hope to God we'll be accepted!

I know this has always been something I've worried about for my own children. I feel sorry for children who's parents name them what I deem as weird, or crazy names. I wonder, "Why? Why make life harder for them? Don't you know how hard it will be to make friends and have a girlfriend?" Never do I think, "Oh that's just hard to pronounce, but a good name" or "That's admirable, naming your child something that means something to you." Nope, I think, "Man, that kid will be teased! How horrible to do something to your child that will set them apart from the beginning! Wouldn't it have been better for your child if you had just named him something that was more 'normal'?"

But, I guess my wish for normalcy and acceptance of my children is just my need for approval shining through. But, it's part of who I am. It's why I like having get-togethers. People come, they have a good time, and they enjoy the company....ME! It's why I cook a lot. People like my cooking, they give me great kudos for it! They ask for the recipe...MY recipe! And it's why I continue to write this Blog! People say that they like my writing. They like what I have to say, ie, they like ME! Oh yay! More accolades! I know, just gluttonous, aren't I?!?

But, this does not shame me. I'll have to say. It does not shame me to do things knowing, or thinking at least, that people will give me positive feedback for it. I like getting positive feedback! I admit it!

Here's something to think about. Merriam-Webster defines a compliment as an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration, and please, you cannot tell me that doesn't sound swell to you, too?!?

So, here's what I'm leaving you with. Doing things you know you are good at, sharing them with others, and doing them with the underlying hope that they will give you compliments for what you have done, is not a bad thing. Because in throwing your gifts out there upon the world, you are giving people reasons to admire and respect the world around them. You're helping them gain a positive feeling about the world they live and work in. You're saying to the world, "Hey, I'm good at this, don't you think so?!" And, really, what's so bad about that?