Unity. How do you feel united? What makes you feel aglow with passion? What keeps your heart going? What makes you feel loved without someone telling you, verbally, every day...I Love You....You're so Perfect...You're the Best Thing that ever happened to me....What keeps you gripping to something when sometimes you wonder...Is my grip being held on the other side? Because I feel like I am slipping.
It's unity. A line that you stand at with another. A force you two, or you ten, envoke when you stand as one. This is how groups become groups. This is why our country became the United States.
Without Unity we are only strangers, self-absorbed, and un-feeling individuals.
Families of the past have been the unified forces of rock-solid determination and of unconditional support. It seems that our families are not what they used to be, though...so how do we make that better? (go to the mirror and look in it.)
Neighborhoods used to be an extension of your family. People you needed on your side because against you would create too much opportunity for turmoil. How could I be friendly with them? What do I even have in common with him? (here's a thought....assuming you have nothing they would desire, or they have nothing you desire, is another way of saying...I got this...I have enough people in my life...I don't need you.)
Power. So many of us are struggling with the lack of feeling power in our lives. We feel like life is something that happens to us, not that we have an active role in. We find ourselves loving and admiring others, but without the love of self to look at our own reflection and say....I am beautiful. I am brave. I am someone who can change. I can be powerful.
Unity=Power
When you are feeling discouraged...or beaten down. Do you turn inward? Do you feel like your problems should not be the problems of others? Does your small voice inside say, "No one really cares to hear about your problems....Everyone else is dealing with their own."
This is your one-way ticket to separatism....To feelings of anger and negativity and detachment.
I want to challenge every person, to push those feelings of detachment, and those inclinations to gossip, and withdraw out of your head. Tighten your tongue, but fill-up your heart. Find a way...there is ALWAYS a way.
Unity can be slowly taken from us when we give in to the feelings someone else tries to impose upon us. Don't give in. Cling to this, "I'm a better person for all the things that come my way. Even when those things are not pleasant."
There is a grip on the other end of yours....and He is God. He's holding you tight. He's asking for your acceptance as His creation and He's willing to accept you, even in your failing.
Get United. Stand Powerful. Know that choosing to hold true to what you know is right, will bring you through any storm.
When you give in to gossip, and anger...you loosen your grip on Him. Jesus taught us to love one another...all others...even the ones whose actions should not warrant love. Love others. FEEL UNITED. Become Powerful.
There was never another man in life like Jesus. But, how many of us wouldn't want to love like that? Wouldn't want to sit so calmly in our faith that no matter the toil presented, love and grace is all that can emanate.
If you are reading this....know that I Love You! That I thank God every day for the blessings of my life and for His tight grip on me. I feel United and Powerful in Him because of you. Because of everyone he has put in my life.
If you ever need anyone to help you feel more put-together...more connected....better acknowledged, please don't forget about me.
Today I realized I have been losing a lot of ground in my journey because I've let BUSY become my mantra. But, I want you to know....I'm never too busy for you and I'm grateful for being a part of your life...big or small. In person or in the cyber-world.
All My Love,
Carrie
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sense and Sensability
I've said it before and I will say it again....Words Are How God Speaks To ME! (that's right he doesn't use the Goodyear Blimp....he uses words! Crazy, huh...crazy! haha!) But, what I mean by that, is a single word, verb or noun, adjective or adverb...a single word, is how I hear His voice.
It may seem strange to others who do not have this experience with words, but to me, who sits on a word in her head and just turns it and turns it and uses it to plug up the holes she feels in herself, well, it's not strange at all.
This is how I can equate it to you, have you ever had someone tell you something or relate something to you and you have thought, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I've heard this all before," only to hear, almost the SAME thing come out of someone else's mouth or see the same message written in a book, but somehow THAT time is the time the message sinks in? And a person in your life who has sat there and "told you so" says, "I've told you that for years." to which you respond, amazed, "Yes, but now I'm actually HEARING it!"
This is how words speak to me....and fill me up!
In Sunday School, our lesson was on Fear; How if we are to say we are truly Christians who are living a life with God in charge, then why would we, as a nation, knee jerk react to things that "threaten" our security. Why do we feel the need to try to "control" things that are truly, uncontrollable? It was a lesson that came to our Sunday School leader after reading a USA Today article in which a Presbyterian Minister challenged whether we actually were a nation of "In God We Trust" by comparing our reactions to fear.
In the article the minister used the word "sensible". Ahhhhhh, I was searching for you and I didn't know it! I've been looking for this word to fill up this hole, this unknown hole. I didn't know I wasn't whole, but I wasn't.
Sensible, to me, evokes this image: a person who is calm, un-ruffled, measured, acts in a way that is realistic, and involves the group's wishes in coming to a conclusion or a decision. You feel you can trust a sensible person because they make good decisions.
I feel like this. That word feels good on me, I think it is a good describer of how I try to live. And, I like sensible people....I guess that's why I like me!
Hearing this word last Sunday and then accepting that this is part of who I feel I am has helped me to work through a recent offense. I find it interesting that me, a sensible person, when confronted with an issue where my sensibilities were questioned, felt quite the opposite of sensible. I felt infuriated and disrespected. Not feelings that fall in line with who me, a sensible person, usually feels. This situation made me feel as though a poison arrow was being hurled at my Achilles Heel and for as strong and as sensible as I am, I chose a very insensible reaction.
"Me, act insensibly?!? Well," I thought, "I'll show them! I will just stop doing any and everything to help them. I mean, how could they think that of me? Why would they choose to take this instance and find it offensive? Am I untrustworthy? Am I not helpful and committed? How could anyone take this situation and make it into something else?" My defenses were up and fully engaged. No one was going to attack me that way! "How about the way they act, huh?!? Why would someone living in a glass house throw stones at me?"
Clarity then came, as a word breezed into my being. It enveloped me like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, "sensible". The word flowed all over me. From head to toe, I felt this word and wondered if it could soak into me...when I was acting quite the opposite.
I felt immediate imbalanced when this situation, where I was the problem, was brought to me. Completely out of touch with me. I am not a person who gets infuriated easily...but, how would you feel when your Achilles Heel was being threatened? Interesting, isn't it, that when the core of who you feel you are is under attack, your immediate tendency is to act as your total opposite! I'm not attracted to people the opposite of sensible. I'm not akin to wanting insensible people in my life....yet I was reacting like one, wasn't I?
As sensible washed over me, I felt shame. How could sensible find me when I wasn't acting at all sensibly? Would I let it penetrate me and, again, define me? Would I allow sensible to fill me up and to cover my Achilles Heel? I had a choice....I was choosing this reaction..and it was far from sensible...measured.....realistic.....un-ruffled.
This dialogue came when deciding what to choose: "You cannot create a world in which everyone will be sensible. You can only infect the world with your sensibility. Changing who you are in reaction to this situation is exactly the opposite of who God made you to be. Accept that your reaction is the only thing you can do to better insensible situations."
Making sense out of situations can seem impossible. And, I decided that it isn't always what God wants me to do when he gave me sensible. Sometimes making sense is saying, this doesn't.
All I can do is not let insensible situations change the sensible me.
Thank You Lord for giving me that clarity. For bringing sensible to me in that newspaper article and for allowing me the sensibility to leave this situation out of my understanding. You'll bring me healing. I know this because you're a sensible God.
It may seem strange to others who do not have this experience with words, but to me, who sits on a word in her head and just turns it and turns it and uses it to plug up the holes she feels in herself, well, it's not strange at all.
This is how I can equate it to you, have you ever had someone tell you something or relate something to you and you have thought, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I've heard this all before," only to hear, almost the SAME thing come out of someone else's mouth or see the same message written in a book, but somehow THAT time is the time the message sinks in? And a person in your life who has sat there and "told you so" says, "I've told you that for years." to which you respond, amazed, "Yes, but now I'm actually HEARING it!"
This is how words speak to me....and fill me up!
In Sunday School, our lesson was on Fear; How if we are to say we are truly Christians who are living a life with God in charge, then why would we, as a nation, knee jerk react to things that "threaten" our security. Why do we feel the need to try to "control" things that are truly, uncontrollable? It was a lesson that came to our Sunday School leader after reading a USA Today article in which a Presbyterian Minister challenged whether we actually were a nation of "In God We Trust" by comparing our reactions to fear.
In the article the minister used the word "sensible". Ahhhhhh, I was searching for you and I didn't know it! I've been looking for this word to fill up this hole, this unknown hole. I didn't know I wasn't whole, but I wasn't.
Sensible, to me, evokes this image: a person who is calm, un-ruffled, measured, acts in a way that is realistic, and involves the group's wishes in coming to a conclusion or a decision. You feel you can trust a sensible person because they make good decisions.
I feel like this. That word feels good on me, I think it is a good describer of how I try to live. And, I like sensible people....I guess that's why I like me!
Hearing this word last Sunday and then accepting that this is part of who I feel I am has helped me to work through a recent offense. I find it interesting that me, a sensible person, when confronted with an issue where my sensibilities were questioned, felt quite the opposite of sensible. I felt infuriated and disrespected. Not feelings that fall in line with who me, a sensible person, usually feels. This situation made me feel as though a poison arrow was being hurled at my Achilles Heel and for as strong and as sensible as I am, I chose a very insensible reaction.
"Me, act insensibly?!? Well," I thought, "I'll show them! I will just stop doing any and everything to help them. I mean, how could they think that of me? Why would they choose to take this instance and find it offensive? Am I untrustworthy? Am I not helpful and committed? How could anyone take this situation and make it into something else?" My defenses were up and fully engaged. No one was going to attack me that way! "How about the way they act, huh?!? Why would someone living in a glass house throw stones at me?"
Clarity then came, as a word breezed into my being. It enveloped me like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, "sensible". The word flowed all over me. From head to toe, I felt this word and wondered if it could soak into me...when I was acting quite the opposite.
I felt immediate imbalanced when this situation, where I was the problem, was brought to me. Completely out of touch with me. I am not a person who gets infuriated easily...but, how would you feel when your Achilles Heel was being threatened? Interesting, isn't it, that when the core of who you feel you are is under attack, your immediate tendency is to act as your total opposite! I'm not attracted to people the opposite of sensible. I'm not akin to wanting insensible people in my life....yet I was reacting like one, wasn't I?
As sensible washed over me, I felt shame. How could sensible find me when I wasn't acting at all sensibly? Would I let it penetrate me and, again, define me? Would I allow sensible to fill me up and to cover my Achilles Heel? I had a choice....I was choosing this reaction..and it was far from sensible...measured.....realistic.....un-ruffled.
This dialogue came when deciding what to choose: "You cannot create a world in which everyone will be sensible. You can only infect the world with your sensibility. Changing who you are in reaction to this situation is exactly the opposite of who God made you to be. Accept that your reaction is the only thing you can do to better insensible situations."
Making sense out of situations can seem impossible. And, I decided that it isn't always what God wants me to do when he gave me sensible. Sometimes making sense is saying, this doesn't.
All I can do is not let insensible situations change the sensible me.
Thank You Lord for giving me that clarity. For bringing sensible to me in that newspaper article and for allowing me the sensibility to leave this situation out of my understanding. You'll bring me healing. I know this because you're a sensible God.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
It's an Inclusive Statement
Just a couple of things I wanted to record before they were lost from my memory all together....
Last night, Wyatt comes pitter pattering down the hallway, after I heard him in his bed sort of squawking. I open my arms to him as he walks through the door and say, "Come here baby." He nestles into my arms as I help him into the bed. The object in his right hand does not seem of note, I'm sure it's just a sippy cup. Then I see that the shape isn't quite right for a sippy. No, it isn't....what is that? It's a piggy bank, or maybe it's a doggy bank. A hard plastic Dalmatian Coin Bank in his right hand, which he then moves to the armpit stashing area, and hugs like it was the softest most precious object he had to sleep with. I laughed. I think I'm getting a picture of the future....Wall Street Financier (but maybe not a very good one since the bank is void of money!)
Grant asked to have a "big" carrot this morning.
Here's a little back story on Big Carrots.
My children all LOVE Big Carrots. Little Carrots, otherwise known as Baby Carrots, are a no-go in my house. I've decided not to buy the, obviously, much less delectable, little carrots anymore, because when asked if we have carrots and I say, "Yeah. We have carrots, look down in the drawer." I'll hear this response, "No, not little carrots! I want Big Carrots!" said in that, Who the heck would EVER like these carrots, kind of tone. So, after tossing the last bag of uneaten little carrots, I guess Dan and I don't like little carrots either, and freeing up room in my vegetable drawer, I made sure to buy a bag of Big Carrots while I was shopping this weekend.
Grant caught me chopping-up Big Carrots for what will be our dinner tonight, Vegetable Beef Soup, and asked for one.
"Okay," I say. "I'll peel one for you. Bring me one, please. Oh, and go into your room, turn on the light and say, 'Wake Up Bubba!' Okay?! Can you do that for me?"
"Yup."
Whoosh...he's gone! He didn't bring me a carrot though, so I turn around to see that there is a carrot lying on the floor in front of an opened refrigerator drawer and door. While I hear Grant yelling, "Wake up Bubba! Time to get up!" pause, "We have BIG CARROTS!"
"Grant! You left your carrot on the floor with the refrigerator door open!"
As I cross to the fridge to do the closing myself.
"Oh, it's okay Mom." I hear him say from behind me.
Then, I hear the sound of blowing, hard blowing...."phhhhh" "phhhhhhh"
Turning to look back, there is Grant blowing on his carrot. He tells me, "All better, Mom. I can eat it now!"
Haha...
Of course, I take it from his hand to ACTUALLY clean it. Once peeled, he has his Big Carrot and is over-the-moon happy with his breakfast choice!
Griffin comes into the kitchen after letting me know that yes, he is in fact alive and says, "Hey, I'll have a Big Carrot too. And carrots in my lunch too, please. You can cut those up, but not this one. I want this one Big."
Haha...such a funny morning!
Maybe it's just us Southerners....you know....All Southerners believe Bigger is Better Carrots included.
Last night, Wyatt comes pitter pattering down the hallway, after I heard him in his bed sort of squawking. I open my arms to him as he walks through the door and say, "Come here baby." He nestles into my arms as I help him into the bed. The object in his right hand does not seem of note, I'm sure it's just a sippy cup. Then I see that the shape isn't quite right for a sippy. No, it isn't....what is that? It's a piggy bank, or maybe it's a doggy bank. A hard plastic Dalmatian Coin Bank in his right hand, which he then moves to the armpit stashing area, and hugs like it was the softest most precious object he had to sleep with. I laughed. I think I'm getting a picture of the future....Wall Street Financier (but maybe not a very good one since the bank is void of money!)
Grant asked to have a "big" carrot this morning.
Here's a little back story on Big Carrots.
My children all LOVE Big Carrots. Little Carrots, otherwise known as Baby Carrots, are a no-go in my house. I've decided not to buy the, obviously, much less delectable, little carrots anymore, because when asked if we have carrots and I say, "Yeah. We have carrots, look down in the drawer." I'll hear this response, "No, not little carrots! I want Big Carrots!" said in that, Who the heck would EVER like these carrots, kind of tone. So, after tossing the last bag of uneaten little carrots, I guess Dan and I don't like little carrots either, and freeing up room in my vegetable drawer, I made sure to buy a bag of Big Carrots while I was shopping this weekend.
Grant caught me chopping-up Big Carrots for what will be our dinner tonight, Vegetable Beef Soup, and asked for one.
"Okay," I say. "I'll peel one for you. Bring me one, please. Oh, and go into your room, turn on the light and say, 'Wake Up Bubba!' Okay?! Can you do that for me?"
"Yup."
Whoosh...he's gone! He didn't bring me a carrot though, so I turn around to see that there is a carrot lying on the floor in front of an opened refrigerator drawer and door. While I hear Grant yelling, "Wake up Bubba! Time to get up!" pause, "We have BIG CARROTS!"
"Grant! You left your carrot on the floor with the refrigerator door open!"
As I cross to the fridge to do the closing myself.
"Oh, it's okay Mom." I hear him say from behind me.
Then, I hear the sound of blowing, hard blowing...."phhhhh" "phhhhhhh"
Turning to look back, there is Grant blowing on his carrot. He tells me, "All better, Mom. I can eat it now!"
Haha...
Of course, I take it from his hand to ACTUALLY clean it. Once peeled, he has his Big Carrot and is over-the-moon happy with his breakfast choice!
Griffin comes into the kitchen after letting me know that yes, he is in fact alive and says, "Hey, I'll have a Big Carrot too. And carrots in my lunch too, please. You can cut those up, but not this one. I want this one Big."
Haha...such a funny morning!
Maybe it's just us Southerners....you know....All Southerners believe Bigger is Better Carrots included.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Just a short little post about convenience.
Have you ever noticed how PO'd we can be when we have to wait? How itchy-for-a-fix we can get when Facebook is down or when we leave our cell phone at home?
How bad is it that back in the day, I could remember every single phone number of every one of my friends in elementary, junior high and high school, even college, but if you asked me today what my Mom's telephone number was I would have to look it up in my phone?!?!? No excuses...this is BAD!
I'm starting to wonder if I might not find life more exciting, even more luscious, if I take away some of the conveniences of my life and start focusing on a life of less.
It bothers me that in my convenienced life, I see that my relationships can be lacking because I rely so heavily on things, and not me. I love the sound of a loved one's voice, yet I text more and more now because of the convenience. I'm simply not placing enough significance on making time. Other times, I find that I take on too much instead of asking for help from others. Because it's more convenient to do it myself instead of stopping to teach someone else. What's that saying....Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.
Technologies that were intended to help me have made me less of who I want to be. So I need to make some changes....what about you? Do these ideas ever run through your head? Tell me I'm not the only one who wishes things were just a little more like yesteryear....
I've made a decision. Yesteryear can be this year if I start with me.
Now, where to start?
Suggestions?
No more TV? Newpaper instead? Less toys so that the boys have to look outside for entertainment or to books or to learning card games or making-up games? Should I write more letters? No more cell phone at all? Use the cell phone only when at home? No more phone calls in the car? No more texting? No more...gasp...Facebook?!?
I'm going to think on this....and make some slow changes, this is going to be my YesterYear Project.
Have you ever noticed how PO'd we can be when we have to wait? How itchy-for-a-fix we can get when Facebook is down or when we leave our cell phone at home?
How bad is it that back in the day, I could remember every single phone number of every one of my friends in elementary, junior high and high school, even college, but if you asked me today what my Mom's telephone number was I would have to look it up in my phone?!?!? No excuses...this is BAD!
I'm starting to wonder if I might not find life more exciting, even more luscious, if I take away some of the conveniences of my life and start focusing on a life of less.
It bothers me that in my convenienced life, I see that my relationships can be lacking because I rely so heavily on things, and not me. I love the sound of a loved one's voice, yet I text more and more now because of the convenience. I'm simply not placing enough significance on making time. Other times, I find that I take on too much instead of asking for help from others. Because it's more convenient to do it myself instead of stopping to teach someone else. What's that saying....Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.
Technologies that were intended to help me have made me less of who I want to be. So I need to make some changes....what about you? Do these ideas ever run through your head? Tell me I'm not the only one who wishes things were just a little more like yesteryear....
I've made a decision. Yesteryear can be this year if I start with me.
Now, where to start?
Suggestions?
No more TV? Newpaper instead? Less toys so that the boys have to look outside for entertainment or to books or to learning card games or making-up games? Should I write more letters? No more cell phone at all? Use the cell phone only when at home? No more phone calls in the car? No more texting? No more...gasp...Facebook?!?
I'm going to think on this....and make some slow changes, this is going to be my YesterYear Project.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
English Lesson
A friend of mine lost her father recently. Another friend of mine lost her mother today. My husband's father was deathly ill just last week....very, very sick....which brought me to this.....Parents are so special. Prophetic, aren't I?
Definitely not a new thought, I know, but a new way of thinking, for me. As a person trained in reporting, I started to note, that there is no greater role than that of a parent. As any good reporter does, I asked myself the 5 W's, and came up with this:
Parents are the WHERE and WHEN of our origination. They are the WHAT of our decision making, and the WHY and the HOW behind our WHO.
To every question they are our answer....what a pivotal role in humanity a parent plays....none is more important.
But, how often do you as a parent give yourself this importance? Not very often....I know. Think for a moment, though, on how many times a day God smiles upon you when He sees His love spilling out of you and onto His...who happen to also be yours?! :) Now, tell me THAT thought doesn't change your view on parents!?!?
Living in the South you hear people say the word 'Proud' an awful lot. And it's used in ways I had never heard while living in the Midwest, like: "I was just so proud to help you." And by people who barely know you, you'll hear, "I can't believe you accomplished that?! I'm so proud!"
At first it makes you feel like, "Um, hello? You had nothing to do with my accomplishment, why would YOU be proud?!?" or "Proud, really? You were Proud to help me? Why? You made me some copies...is that a prideful act?"
As a somewhat cynical Yank, I guess I wondered who had taught the English language to these southern folks and why would a person feel pride in something that had little to do with them? Pride is a boastful word not a word you use to find yourself in others' accomplishments...not when you didn't even do anything, am I right?!
But, as I've come to learn, and come to LOVE about living in the South, pride is more than just a selfish verb giving reference back to only the speaker....it's more of a Faithful verb.....giving accolades to Him, our one true parent.
Finding PRIDE in what the people around you do, is a good thing, a GREAT thing. I'm so proud....I'm so proud you got that award! Why am I proud? Because seeing Him glorify you, makes me so grateful that we share the same father!
Don't let anyone ever say that a Southerner doesn't know how to use the word Proud correctly....I think the rest of us could use a few more lessons in His language, don't you?!
Definitely not a new thought, I know, but a new way of thinking, for me. As a person trained in reporting, I started to note, that there is no greater role than that of a parent. As any good reporter does, I asked myself the 5 W's, and came up with this:
Parents are the WHERE and WHEN of our origination. They are the WHAT of our decision making, and the WHY and the HOW behind our WHO.
To every question they are our answer....what a pivotal role in humanity a parent plays....none is more important.
But, how often do you as a parent give yourself this importance? Not very often....I know. Think for a moment, though, on how many times a day God smiles upon you when He sees His love spilling out of you and onto His...who happen to also be yours?! :) Now, tell me THAT thought doesn't change your view on parents!?!?
Living in the South you hear people say the word 'Proud' an awful lot. And it's used in ways I had never heard while living in the Midwest, like: "I was just so proud to help you." And by people who barely know you, you'll hear, "I can't believe you accomplished that?! I'm so proud!"
At first it makes you feel like, "Um, hello? You had nothing to do with my accomplishment, why would YOU be proud?!?" or "Proud, really? You were Proud to help me? Why? You made me some copies...is that a prideful act?"
As a somewhat cynical Yank, I guess I wondered who had taught the English language to these southern folks and why would a person feel pride in something that had little to do with them? Pride is a boastful word not a word you use to find yourself in others' accomplishments...not when you didn't even do anything, am I right?!
But, as I've come to learn, and come to LOVE about living in the South, pride is more than just a selfish verb giving reference back to only the speaker....it's more of a Faithful verb.....giving accolades to Him, our one true parent.
Finding PRIDE in what the people around you do, is a good thing, a GREAT thing. I'm so proud....I'm so proud you got that award! Why am I proud? Because seeing Him glorify you, makes me so grateful that we share the same father!
Don't let anyone ever say that a Southerner doesn't know how to use the word Proud correctly....I think the rest of us could use a few more lessons in His language, don't you?!
Friday, November 6, 2009
What's Been Goin' On?
So, I know I haven't posted in a while....and I have heard from folks that y'all have been wondering where I have been. I sort of fell off the planet a bit....you're right.
I am going to get pictures up soon. I have so many to post. You will probably feel a bit overwhelmed when I do finally get them on here. Many months worth are waiting to be added!
And, too, I want you to know that I have started no less than approximately 3 new posts....but I either decided the posts weren't good enough or that they just sounded a bit blabby....no real content, just a bunch of blabbering. Who really wants to read that, huh?! Well, even if you did, I decided you wouldn't.
Today is sort of emotional for me. And this isn't the first day I have had like this lately.
I'm one day away from possibly knowing what the cause for Griff's learning issues are and I am feeling all kinds of things.
Anxious
Sad
Happy
Worried (though I am trying really hard to live in the moment....baby steps)
Thankful
Frustrated
Insecure
Restless
Just so many things. I want my child to have things as easy as is possible. Don't all parents wish for that? I want things for him to be without frustration. For him to love learning, not want to run away from it. His life as a student will be such a drudgery if day in and day out he leaves for school thinking, "This place is no fun. They suck the self esteem from me. They make me feel like I am dumb."
What a crappy way to feel.
Dan and I were discussing this last night and I was saying, "I read that thing from the teacher. It said that the average student has to see and read a word 40 times before it is committed to long term memory." He said, "Yeah, I read that too." I said, "It wasn't like that for me, Dan. I read a word once, and I knew it. I never had to have help with homework. I did not have to be 'worked' with. The teacher taught something to us. I got it. I thought learning was simple, I thought it was so easy to go to school......No wonder I loved school....it gave me so much self-esteem!"
Then it hit me......Griffin's struggle is finally giving me a look into what the other kids in my class, the ones who didn't like school, were going through. It makes me feel horrible. I now remember howI was not the nicest to those kids. I wasn't as accepting as I should have been because they were the kids who made the teacher frustrated. Who had to be taught something over and over and made some of the lessons not so much fun....Why can't they just get it?!
I'm finally seeing things from that side and it makes me feel horrible. I probably hurt the feelings of other kids, over and over while I was growing up. All because I did not understand that learning, the ability to learn "normally" and quickly, is not normal....that was a gift. And my being less than accepting of my classmates, now makes me feel horrible. I look into the eyes of my son and I think, "Who could be mean to you? You are so precious!" And now, in examining my past, I see my reflection in his eyes and it hurts. I was one of those kids. I was not a bully by any means. But unaccepting, definitely. Dismissive of those who had a harder time learning, absolutely. Gossipy about how "stupid" so and so was, yes.
Oh, I hate knowing now how much that potentially hurt my classmates.
This issue we have been struggling with, it has really pointed out my short-comings and my past hurts.....and I am greatly sorry.
I honestly did not think that I could have ever been remembered by anyone as being a mean kid. I wasn't cruel......but I was. I wasn't snobby........but I was.
Griffin is a beautiful child inside and out. He is perfect just the way God made him, and I know that. But, kids, kids don't know that. Kids only know he takes longer to "get" things than the rest of the class. And, that he's always talking, that's why he doesn't finish his work.
Don't get me wrong, according to his teacher, he is well accepted among his peers. But, we are in only the first part of his schooling. If he continues to drag the class down, he wil not be as well accepted. Kids will definitely start to notice that he is "different" and shy away from socializing with him.
That is how kids are, and I want to shelter my son from as much of that as I can.
So, now I am thinking about the future, even though I try to stop from thinking ahead. Not thinking of what's to come just seems impossible. I need to start preparing myself for what we might have to go through. I don't want to be blindsided. Having an action plan will make things easier, right?!
Yeah, well, that is when the worry begins. When you start thinking of the things that might need to happen, you start to realize they cost, and they take up a lot of time, and you think, "How will we be able to make these things happen and still keep everyone in the family united?"
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress.
Now add your own hurt because you weren't the most accepting kid, so you feel the need to REALLY plan and do whatever you possibly can to make your child as inconspicuous as possible.
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress. Cry. Worry. Stress. Cry. Cry. Cry.
I know that there are far bigger challenges out there others are facing. That does give me perspective. Yet, my emotions are still running amok. I'm a mother....I want to protect!
Which explains why I have sort of withdrawn a bit from the outside world, at least I think it does. I'm in preservation mode. I just want to preserve my family's "normalcy" for as long as I can. I know things are about to get even more chaotic, and I'm clinging to our final days.
Pray for us, y'all. Pray for me....I'm the one with the issues!! ha ha! But, tomorrow will be good. We need an answer. I hope Saturday will bring it. I pray they will give me a starting point.....we need one. And Griffin, he needs to feel like he IS smart...that learning CAN be fun....that reading on his own ISN'T impossible..... and, mostly, that his esteem CAN grow from school, not just sucked away when he enters the doors. Lots of prayer needed folks. Keep us on your list!
Love y'all!
I am going to get pictures up soon. I have so many to post. You will probably feel a bit overwhelmed when I do finally get them on here. Many months worth are waiting to be added!
And, too, I want you to know that I have started no less than approximately 3 new posts....but I either decided the posts weren't good enough or that they just sounded a bit blabby....no real content, just a bunch of blabbering. Who really wants to read that, huh?! Well, even if you did, I decided you wouldn't.
Today is sort of emotional for me. And this isn't the first day I have had like this lately.
I'm one day away from possibly knowing what the cause for Griff's learning issues are and I am feeling all kinds of things.
Anxious
Sad
Happy
Worried (though I am trying really hard to live in the moment....baby steps)
Thankful
Frustrated
Insecure
Restless
Just so many things. I want my child to have things as easy as is possible. Don't all parents wish for that? I want things for him to be without frustration. For him to love learning, not want to run away from it. His life as a student will be such a drudgery if day in and day out he leaves for school thinking, "This place is no fun. They suck the self esteem from me. They make me feel like I am dumb."
What a crappy way to feel.
Dan and I were discussing this last night and I was saying, "I read that thing from the teacher. It said that the average student has to see and read a word 40 times before it is committed to long term memory." He said, "Yeah, I read that too." I said, "It wasn't like that for me, Dan. I read a word once, and I knew it. I never had to have help with homework. I did not have to be 'worked' with. The teacher taught something to us. I got it. I thought learning was simple, I thought it was so easy to go to school......No wonder I loved school....it gave me so much self-esteem!"
Then it hit me......Griffin's struggle is finally giving me a look into what the other kids in my class, the ones who didn't like school, were going through. It makes me feel horrible. I now remember howI was not the nicest to those kids. I wasn't as accepting as I should have been because they were the kids who made the teacher frustrated. Who had to be taught something over and over and made some of the lessons not so much fun....Why can't they just get it?!
I'm finally seeing things from that side and it makes me feel horrible. I probably hurt the feelings of other kids, over and over while I was growing up. All because I did not understand that learning, the ability to learn "normally" and quickly, is not normal....that was a gift. And my being less than accepting of my classmates, now makes me feel horrible. I look into the eyes of my son and I think, "Who could be mean to you? You are so precious!" And now, in examining my past, I see my reflection in his eyes and it hurts. I was one of those kids. I was not a bully by any means. But unaccepting, definitely. Dismissive of those who had a harder time learning, absolutely. Gossipy about how "stupid" so and so was, yes.
Oh, I hate knowing now how much that potentially hurt my classmates.
This issue we have been struggling with, it has really pointed out my short-comings and my past hurts.....and I am greatly sorry.
I honestly did not think that I could have ever been remembered by anyone as being a mean kid. I wasn't cruel......but I was. I wasn't snobby........but I was.
Griffin is a beautiful child inside and out. He is perfect just the way God made him, and I know that. But, kids, kids don't know that. Kids only know he takes longer to "get" things than the rest of the class. And, that he's always talking, that's why he doesn't finish his work.
Don't get me wrong, according to his teacher, he is well accepted among his peers. But, we are in only the first part of his schooling. If he continues to drag the class down, he wil not be as well accepted. Kids will definitely start to notice that he is "different" and shy away from socializing with him.
That is how kids are, and I want to shelter my son from as much of that as I can.
So, now I am thinking about the future, even though I try to stop from thinking ahead. Not thinking of what's to come just seems impossible. I need to start preparing myself for what we might have to go through. I don't want to be blindsided. Having an action plan will make things easier, right?!
Yeah, well, that is when the worry begins. When you start thinking of the things that might need to happen, you start to realize they cost, and they take up a lot of time, and you think, "How will we be able to make these things happen and still keep everyone in the family united?"
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress.
Now add your own hurt because you weren't the most accepting kid, so you feel the need to REALLY plan and do whatever you possibly can to make your child as inconspicuous as possible.
Worry. Worry. Stress. Stress. Cry. Worry. Stress. Cry. Cry. Cry.
I know that there are far bigger challenges out there others are facing. That does give me perspective. Yet, my emotions are still running amok. I'm a mother....I want to protect!
Which explains why I have sort of withdrawn a bit from the outside world, at least I think it does. I'm in preservation mode. I just want to preserve my family's "normalcy" for as long as I can. I know things are about to get even more chaotic, and I'm clinging to our final days.
Pray for us, y'all. Pray for me....I'm the one with the issues!! ha ha! But, tomorrow will be good. We need an answer. I hope Saturday will bring it. I pray they will give me a starting point.....we need one. And Griffin, he needs to feel like he IS smart...that learning CAN be fun....that reading on his own ISN'T impossible..... and, mostly, that his esteem CAN grow from school, not just sucked away when he enters the doors. Lots of prayer needed folks. Keep us on your list!
Love y'all!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Family
I just don't know how to say it any better than this......I am one BLESSED chick!
A few weeks ago, I became overcome by sadness. I was missing my family! This past weekend, I got to see a good number of them, and I am back to HAPPY!
Being around my family rejuvenates me. It does. It feeds my esteem, and makes my life seem to make sense..... I make sense, you know?!?
These are the people whose influence made me want to be a mom.....who have cared for me unconditionally, and who keep me believing in myself. Even when I am not sitting in the "fan" box of my own life, they are in the stands cheering me on "You can do it!", "You're the greatest!", "We love you so much!"
Ahhhh, a cheering section! That's what I was missing!
Wouldn't it be great if every day as you walked around and made decisions, you had a group of loyal fans who walked along with you saying stuff like, "That's right, you did it! You made the coffee!" Creepy maybe, but hey, your fans love you! They think you are fantastic just the way you are.
That's what I was needing. That's why I went home.
If I could give every person one thing it wouldn't be money or a job or a better job it would be a supportive, loving, and hard-working family.
Where family isn't always people, it's also a place. A place where envy wishes it could come in, but where only acceptance and pride reside. Family is built on generosity and laughter fills its walls. Humility pours from the faucets, and patience illuminates its windows.
I grew up in this place.....this place called family. And everyday I try to recreate it here in my own neck of the woods. But, sometimes, the only way to really make sure you're building the same kind of dwelling in your own life, is to go back.
I love you family. Each and every single one of you. Thank you for renewing me. I am one BLESSED chick!!
A few weeks ago, I became overcome by sadness. I was missing my family! This past weekend, I got to see a good number of them, and I am back to HAPPY!
Being around my family rejuvenates me. It does. It feeds my esteem, and makes my life seem to make sense..... I make sense, you know?!?
These are the people whose influence made me want to be a mom.....who have cared for me unconditionally, and who keep me believing in myself. Even when I am not sitting in the "fan" box of my own life, they are in the stands cheering me on "You can do it!", "You're the greatest!", "We love you so much!"
Ahhhh, a cheering section! That's what I was missing!
Wouldn't it be great if every day as you walked around and made decisions, you had a group of loyal fans who walked along with you saying stuff like, "That's right, you did it! You made the coffee!" Creepy maybe, but hey, your fans love you! They think you are fantastic just the way you are.
That's what I was needing. That's why I went home.
If I could give every person one thing it wouldn't be money or a job or a better job it would be a supportive, loving, and hard-working family.
Where family isn't always people, it's also a place. A place where envy wishes it could come in, but where only acceptance and pride reside. Family is built on generosity and laughter fills its walls. Humility pours from the faucets, and patience illuminates its windows.
I grew up in this place.....this place called family. And everyday I try to recreate it here in my own neck of the woods. But, sometimes, the only way to really make sure you're building the same kind of dwelling in your own life, is to go back.
I love you family. Each and every single one of you. Thank you for renewing me. I am one BLESSED chick!!
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